Repost from the old site.
Oh man, I love me some sobriety checkpoints! Oh yah! Along with some ribs and White women! I went through one the other nite. I hadn’t been drinking or anything, but I was totally blasted out of my skull on HPD’s*, you know what I mean. Well, I can always drive fine on a head full of most anything as long it’s not booze or downers or most horribly, both at once.
I drive up to the checkpoint and get scared. The cops are shrinking back and forth, they are blowing up to huge sizes and then shrinking back down to really small cops, and then going to regular size again. It’s a Saturday morning cartoon and you’re six again, but you have to pretend that everything is just fine.
You see the shrinking and growing cops and start laughing. The funny cop comes over to the window, can’t figure out you’re laughing at him, and starts laughing too. Haha, sucka! Well, that makes me and this thing next to me laugh even more. He asks us if we have been drinking and I have not had a drop all nite, and it’s a sure fact.
I point to my coffee cup and say, “Just coffee!” and he laughs some more and all the cops start laughing and we drive on through except we feel like we are on Mars and they are Martians.
Later on, I try to drive through it again, and the guy in the passenger seat threatens me and orders me not to do it. I thought it would be a quick. I’d almost like to drive through em all day long if I could. I love police checkpoints.
I remember once I drove through a Customs checkpoint and I was high on LSD and marijuana. I was so blazed, everything was so weird, I might as well have been an alien. The guy was really mean as I felt he knew I was totaled but he could not do anything about it. What was even funnier was we were smuggling marijuana into the US! What a kick!
It was only a few joints and we brought it from US anyway, but no matter. Yeah, we smuggled pot into Mexico and smuggled it out again, why is this a problem? A few jays every time. The Mexicans figure no one is so stupid as to smuggle pot into Mehico and on the US end, if you don’t have a tire-full, I guess you are home free.
So, anyway, this Customs guy is looking at me like, “I know you are on ACID right now but I can’t prove it and I hate you!” And I am just laughing because actually it is in fact true. They got lots of vehicles that they pull over to be drug dog sniffed, but we never get that treatment anyway. The border is an assembly line, and you know you can’t even count up the contraband that goes right through that seize, no?
Cops are so dumb! Neener neener.
*high powered drugs.
