Confessions of a Shopoholic

It's Friday
I wake earlyAbout 7amI go through my usual routineI let the dogs outMake a cup of sweet teaAnd switch on my computerI check my blog  firstAs I always doWhen I have read and replied to commentsAnd read your blogsI feel drawn to check out my favorite on line clothes siteJust for a sneaky peekImmediately I find a pair of patterned leggingsA a really comfy looking gray snoodIt's love at first sightI feel a chemical reaction just looking at the photos of these clothesIt's meant to beMy wardrobeNo, my lifeWould be complete if I just had these gray patterned leggings and gray snoodJust think of how complete my look would be with these itemsThink of the confidence boost to walk down the street sporting these funky threadsHeads would turnPeople would look at me in wonderThese could be the single most important clothes that I ever buyA game changerA life changerThere is no question about itI have to have them
And I would never need to buy clothes again
I am a very stubborn and determined personIf I set my sights on somethingAnythingI do everything in my power to get itIt's like I am blinkeredTunnel visionNothing and no one will stand in my wayIt's just a pity that I don't set my sights on more important thingsThan a pair of leggings and a snoodI could work towards my educationI could tackle the purging that still blights my lifeI could write a bookBut noOh noInsteadI shopAnd I do it with all the determination of a heat seeking missile
I work out my budget for the weekI am on what they call 'Disability allowance' hereWhich means that I am on a limited and fixed incomeWhen I was a smokerHalf that money went on smokesNowHalf that money goes on clothesIf I wantedI could make that money go furtherI could shop at some of the bigger chain shopsBut noThis shopoholic has expensive tasteAfter allYou get what you pay for
The leggings are a ridiculous priceBut somehow I justify it in my mindThey are an investmentThey will last a life timeIf I wear them enoughThey will pay for them selvesAnd the snood?Well a scarf is essential gear in the harsh Winter monthsIt;s not that I want itI really do need it
I sign in to my shopping accountAnd quickly click the two items in to my basketThen click to the payment sectionA couple more swift movementsAnd they're boughtI get a feeling of immense satisfaction when I see 'Order complete' flash up on my screenI sit backAnd enjoy the feeling that possibly the most important clothes of my life are on the way
The time between ordering and getting my clothes is the most funThe thought that a lovely plump parcel will soon be on my doorstep is enough to keep me eternally happyI can liken this feeling to when I used drugsWhen I had money in my handAnd I was on my way to get the drugsThe feeling of anticipation was intoxicatingThe thought that happiness was in the postOn the wayThat soon I would feel the warm fuzzy feeling of drugs or alcohol or a parcel being deliveredI crave it again and againConstantly trying to recreate that feelingIt's fleetingBut addictive
I check my shopping accountMy order is pendingI check it again and againWaiting to see that is has been dispatchedThen I know that it is on the wayAnd I can relax Safe in the knowledge that my parcel of joy is on it's way
I am like a little kid at Christmas
The feeling is that good
I imagine wearing my new clothes
I just can't wait
But waiting is the best part
So I will enjoy it
The next few days drag by
So very slowly
My order has now been dispatched
That means it could be here any day now
Any day
Then on Tuesday my phone rings
It's a number I recognize
The delivery man for the clothes company
I pick it up after two rings
'Hello' I say
Try to be calm and collected
'Hi Ruby'
He knows me by name at this stage
'I have a package for you, are you at home?'
I confirm that I am
And he tells me he will be at my house in half an hour
I hang up
And jump up and down with excitement
It's just like my birthday
For the next half an hour
I sit on the couch beside the window
And wait
I am not a great waiter
I want things and I want them now
But I have no choice in the matter
I have to wait
So I do
I'm just beginning to lose the will to live
When I white van pulls in to my drive
I let out an excited noise
Put my shoes on
And rush to the front door
The driver approaches me with a bright orange package in his hands
It's all I can do not to reach out and grab it from him
'Sign here' he says
And I do
He hands me the package and heads off
I thank him
And hurry inside
I bring the parcel in to my living room
And set it on the floor
I admire it for a minute
Before I tear in to the packaging
And rip it open
The first item I come across is the snood
It's grey
And soft
The softest thing I've ever felt
I put it around my neck
And take a look in the mirror
It's just like I imagined
It's perfect
Then it's back to the package
I open the leggings
Very nice I must say
I quickly try them on
Still wearing the snood
And walk around my house trying them both out
Yes, these will so nicely
Because I am so impatient
I wear them both immediately
I go to the shops
I go swimming
I walk my dogs
All in my new clothes
It's heaven
But the thing is
The novelty of the new clothes does not last part the first time wearing them
The next day
I find myself with itchy feet again
My fingers feel twitchy
The high has worn off
I feel drawn back to the computer
Back to my favorite clothes site
I'll just have a sneaky peek..........