Coming Undone

I was going to write a long and detailed post about how I met The Boy yesterdayHow I spent four hours with himAnd usedI was going to write about how he gave me some to take homeHow I lied to my family about where I was goingHow when I got home I smuggled the drugs in to my roomI was going to tell you about the fact that I couldn't keep my eyes openAnd so my mother realised that I was usingThere was no point in denying itIt was written all over my faceI was going to write about how we had a huge fightHow we all got really upsetHow I could almost see my mothers heart breakingHow my mother and sister stood in my bedroomAnd insisted that every trace of drug paraphernalia was removedThere was shoutingAngerMany tearsIt was awfulMy mother made me swear on one of her books that I would never bring drugs in to this house again
My mother kept saying how disappointed she wasAt one point I thought it was all a bad dreamAnd I would wake up soon and realize it was all just a nightmareUnfortunately It really was happening
Now it's morningAnd everyone is still reelingAnd I am feeling unbelievably guiltyBut this was bound to happenI was asking for trouble seeing The BoyAnd yet I continued to see himSmart RubyVery smart 
I have to get my shit together If not for myselfFor my familyThis has gone too far nowPeople are getting hurt And I don't want thisMy mother said that if I want to useI can move in with The BoyI don't want to do eitherI need help thoughI need to get through thisAnd stopBefore anymore damage is done 
I feel like I have let everyone downMyself includedAnd the thing isI walked in to this situation with my eyes openI knew the ramifications But yet I plow onLeaving a trail of destruction in my wake
I'm sorry I am truly sorryBut this stops nowIt has toIt just has to