Here's the next installment of my series of comebacks to the fatphobic nonsense we have to deal with. If you have a phrase you'd like me to create a comeback for, or if you have a comeback that you love, please leave them in the comments! ( You can read Part One Here!)
Again, let me be clear that these are just some suggestions. They may not work in every circumstance - especially considering things like power imbalances and privilege. Finally, I'm sure I'm not the first (or last!) person to think of these, so all the credit to those who are doing this work, especially those who came before me!
If you just watch your portions, stop eating sugar, and walk, you would lose weight and be so pretty
Wow, congrats, that's probably a record for number of wrong things in a sentence. I'm not soliciting (bad) nutrition advice or (fatphobic) opinions about my looks.
Have you ever thought about losing weight?
Have you ever thought about how inappropriate that question is?
loo....losing ...weight.? No I've never heard of that. <eyeroll and walk away>
Nope, you have me confused with all the people who keep pushing dieting even though the research shows that it almost never works.
It's only a matter of time until you get diabetes.
I had a feeling about this, but now you've proved it - adding healthism to your fatphobia does not make it a better look.
Ugh. Why does she wear shorts in public? Why does she force me to look at that?
I don't see your head in a vise...if you don't like what you are looking at there are always at least 3 other cardinal directions in which to fix your gaze. Alternately, you could try not being a fatphobic asshole. Your call.
You look like a fatphobic, ageist person who I'm not going to talk to anymore
There are way more than two genders. My gender is no concern of yours (especially since I will neeeeeeever ever, ever date you.)
You're living on borrowed time, that heart attack is coming
That's...that's just how being alive works. I'm just grateful to be alive now and, of course, that I'm not a fatphobic asshole.
No man is going to want to F you looking like that
This is probably the only time I'll use #NotAllMen. Regardless, I would never want to F some fatphobe, so I'm all good here.
I'm just so worried about your heart!
I'm just worried about your lack of understanding, both of hearts, and of what is and is not your business.
Why are you showing off by ordering salad, everyone knows you don't really eat like that
Why are you concerning yourself with my food? Mind your own plate.
You're only fat because you have a disease/diseases. Don't you want to be cured?
Bodies come in lots of sizes for lots of reasons. Sadly, so does bigotry and healthism.
Me saying I want to lose weight in front of you has nothing to do with you; stop taking it personally.
So, you don't want to look like me and it's important to you to say that in front of people. I guess I kind of get it, because I'm feeling compelled to tell everyone I know that I never want to be like you - someone who says hurtful things and then denies it.
If you could lose just 10% of your body weight...
I'd trigger another incidence of weight cycling, likely gaining back more than 10% over the next few years. Hard pass.
Doctor: you must lose weight before (you can receive proper medical care/surgery/treatment/pills).
Do thin people get this health issue? (the answer is always yes) Let's give me the same evidence-based care you would give a thin person.
You're gonna die sooner.
If you're so psychic how about you cough up some lottery numbers instead of fatphobia.
Keep it up and that will make two of us.
I love you and I just want you to be healthy
I love you and I want you to be quiet. Seriously - if I want your thoughts about my health, you'll be the first to know.
I think you're beautiful but being.....like /this/...is just objectively not healthy
This word, objectively, I do not think it means what you think it means. Also, I don't care what you think of my looks or my health.
No. But using my fork to eat it is stopping me from stabbing you with it.
Have you ever tried keto/paleo/whole 30/intermittent fasting
I have, but I care about my health, so I don't do that anymore.
You're fooling yourself
You can believe whatever you want, bless your heart, but there's no need to say it out loud.
Don't you want a man in your life? Men don't like fat women.
It's great, actually. My fat acts like a bigot filter and, since I don't want anyone fatphobic in my life, it works out great!
What about the obesity epidemic?
It's not a real thing. Fat people existing does not qualify as an epidemic. It's state-sponsored, highly profitable fatphobia. Thanks for asking.
I just started these pills to stop me from gaining weight with my anti- depressants. You should ask your doctor about them.
Oh heavens no! I'm done making that mistake.
Let's [perform some feat of physical exertion] so we can EARN that [delicious food]!
Or, we could do the activity we want, and eat what we want and not create disordered relationships with food and exercise!
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Book Me! I'd love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!
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If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.
Published by Ragen Chastain
Hi, I'm Ragen Chastain. Speaker, Writer, Dancer, Choreographer, Marathoner, Soon to be Iron-distance triathlete, Activist, Fat Person. View all posts by Ragen Chastain
