I can’t begin to explain the rash of emotions I was feeling when I got up this morning. I slept horrible, tossed and turned, despite taking melatonin, and overall was just feeling crappy.
My chest was heavy and my head felt like it would burst. I kept playing scenario after scenario in my head and tried to find the positive in whatever was yet to come. I cuddled a lil extra with Titan this morning and as always, felt comfort from this 80+ lb. pit bull.
As I got ready for my big day at the hospital, I couldn’t help but think
I was born in this hospital and I’ll die in that hospital.
Yes, I really wasn’t in a very good place plus the fact I couldn’t have my diet coke, due to having blood work done after my Radiology and Ultrasound appointment, AND I couldn’t wear deodorant once again. Grumpy panties was showing her ugly head for sure.
As I walked Titan for our morning walk, I felt myself get a lil edgy with him. I just wanted to embrace him and let him know I’ll always be there for him, when actually, I wanted him to hug me and tell me that exact same thing.
Driving to my appointment, I must have been in a fog, cause I totally don’t remember half the drive, and I’m only 15 minutes from the hospital.
Off to Radiology I go, grasping my cellphone and getting support from the beautiful girlies in my life and my boss sent me a text that said “Go kick some ass and take names later”. Thank you to Lisa, Corina, Debbie, Ellen, and the rest of you who have reached out to me during my meltdown. I love you all!
As I get called into Radiology, it’s the same girl who took the initial ones at the Woman’s Center. This is good! I’m comfy around her. I go into the room and I tell her straight up:
I have to tell you, I’ve been a nervous wreck ever since you called me last week.
I know she didn’t have to but she apologized and understood. She proceeded to show me the mammogram of my breast and the area that was in question. It looked like a normal mammogram with whiter smudge spot towards the center of my breast. Then she told me what was going to be done. Two (2) more x-rays from different angles.
Smoosh away, I’m ready!
She took the x-rays off to show the doctor. I sat in the x-ray room with my lil robe and dreading the worse. After what seemed an eternity, she came back in and said:
Sorry but I tried to get you out of the ultrasound but the doctor said while you’re here, let’s do it anyway.
Sure thing, may as well be sure at what we are looking at. So ultrasound technician comes in to take me into another room. It’s dimly light with a hospital bed in the middle and some ultrasound equipment. She was very pleasant which made things easy. If you have never had a breast ultrasound, it’s totally painless imo. She lube up my breast with warm gel and proceeded to roll the lil wand around my breast, pressed in certain areas, typed some things on the computer on my pictures and then it was done.
My ultrasound looked similar to this. See the small hole?
She wanted to share with the doctor before I got dressed and she sent me on my way. As I looked at the ultrasound, it looked as if there was a hole in my breast, the middle of my breast to be exact, but it was small…. very small that you could barely see it.
She came back into the room with a diagnosis.
It appears to be a very small cyst, most likely benign as she said most were, and that they will probably call me back in 6 months for a follow-up.
So it’s not cancer? Because I told my hubs that if I have cancer, I’m leaving the hospital and going directly to the dealership to buy the new car I’ve been wanting. {insert giggle}
She giggled as well which was good. I hate to be left giggling alone.
I left there feeling relieved yet not totally out of the woods. If in 6 months the cyst increases in size, then action will be taken. What kind of action? I’m not sure at this point.
So what causes breast cysts?
I had to come home and Google Bing it.
Quoted from the MayoClinic:
The cause of breast cysts remains unknown. Some evidence suggests that excess estrogen in your body, which can stimulate the breast tissue, may play a role in breast cyst development.
And for the record, it appears this is what the ultrasound technician was telling me I have:
Microcysts are too small to feel, but may be seen during imaging tests, such as mammography or ultrasound.
I have to wonder know if this is part of peri-menopause for me. Has my additional weight gain cause the excess in estrogen? Does that explain my more irregular periods?
So now I wait to hear from my primary physician to hear if there is a game plan or not. Also to hear about my blood work which I had done right after the hospital. My nurse practitioner wanted to check my hormone levels, as well as my cholesterol and liver.
The waiting game is still not over but I can relax a bit, for now, knowing it’s not cancer and as the ultrasound technician said:
You’ll live to see Easter.
As dangers can still arise and knowing this is not really a clean bill of breast health, I need to remember to be thankful every day and not just when something upsetting happens.
I think I said the Serenity Prayer a gazillion times before 8 am this morning. Prayer in numbers can help.
Oh and by the way, as I curse my hubs this a.m. for not wishing me well, I got a text from him while I was at the hospital:
Done with the tatas?
I guess he was thinking about me afterall. He still sux though 
Thank you all for being there for me, being supportive, and lending me your ears, love, and kind words. You all are my girlies and I don’t know what I would do without you! Muwah!
