Community Magazine

Blake and Amy

By Rubytuesday
I don't usually watch The Jeremy Kyle show but I watched it yesterday morning when I saw that he was interviewing Blake Civil Fielder
For those of you who haven't heard of him he was married to Amy Winehouse
A lot of people blamed him  for Amy's drug addiction and some went so far as to blame him for her untimely death
I didn't know much about Blake before I saw this interview
I only knew what I had read in the paper and they had portrayed him as nothing short of a monster
His mother Georgette had been interviewed on the show previously and she had encouraged him to speak out and tell his side of the story
Blake and Amy
He described how he has first met Amy in a bar in Camden called 'The Good Mixer'
He was 21 and she was 20
He said that she looked and sounded different to other girls
That is was love at first sight
At this point he was using cocaine recreationally
He admitted to offering it to Amy but she refused
At that time she abhorred Class A drugs but she did smoke weed
Over time they both moved on to harder drugs
Blake confessed that he was the first person to introduce Amy to heroin
Gradually they used it more and more until they were both addicted
It was around the time that 'Back to black' came  out and Amy was becoming extremely famous
Blake was in and out of prison and Amy continued in a downward spiral
I remember photos from that time
Images of Amy looking so thin and dishevelled
They were a modern day tragic couple
Her the small girl with the big voice
Him the classic bad boy
They couldn't live with each other but they also couldn't live without each other
Blake and Amy
Blake and Amy
Blake was in prison when he heard that Amy was dead
She died 23rd July 2011
She was just 27 years old
She is now part of an infamous group of musicians called 'The 27club'
Along with Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix and many others
They all died when they were 27 in tragic circumstances
Blake overdosed accidentally after her death
He was in a coma for 21 days and was not expected to live
By this stage he had a new girlfriend and a new baby son, Jack
He has been clean ever since his overdose
The media have really given Blake a hard time and you would be forgiven for getting the impression that he was a nasty piece of work
But I thought he came across very well
He was softly spoken, articulate and incredibly honest
I thought he was a very likeable guy
It was clear that he truly loved Amy
Jeremy Kyle asked him if he really loved Amy, why did he give her drugs
He said that he never thought it would so that far
I can relate to Blake and Amy's story
It was my boyfriend at the time who first introduced me to heroin
And like Amy's family, mine blamed my boyfriend for my addiction
Of course they want someone to blame and it's easy to blame it on the other person
But I don't think it was my boyfriends fault that I got addicted
Yes he was the one I first took it with but I have no doubt that if it wasn't him, it would have been someone else
I can't blame him for my actions
I took the drugs
He's not responsible for that
I have my own mind and I made the conscious decision to take the drugs
When you're young like that it's very easy to make a mistake
Of course I knew the danger of drugs
But in my limited experience I had never had a negative experience with drugs
I had never seen anyone strung out on heroin
And I just didn't think getting addicted would happen to me
Blake and Amy
Blake is clean now
He came off methadone about a year ago
His girlfriend Sarah was with him
She seems to have been instrumental in him getting his life back together
I hope he manages to stay on the straight and narrow
It will be especially hard for him though
Trying to get work will be difficult as people will have made judgements based on what they read in the papers
I have to admit I find it incredibly difficult to watch any footage of Amy, if her video comes on I change the channel
I don't like to look at images of her
I can just about listen to her songs
I find it so desperately sad to have witnessed her decline
My favorite song is 'Tears dry on their own' but I haven't watched the video in years
Most people probably don't notice how pinned her eyes are from heroin use
The last few years of her life, in every video, every photo her eyes are pinned and glazed
Being a recovering heroin addict I find it so very hard to look at
Eating disorder wise, it is the equivalent of looking at a very sick and underweight person
I have read Amy also developed an eating disorder and her ever shrinking body would back that up
It's not that I find it triggering, I suppose it's like looking in a mirror
The haunted eyes and frail body are exactly the way I used to look
I followed her career from start and in the early years she was so different
Curvy, fresh faced and so very talented
Having watched and read interviews with her, she seemed to have very little self esteem
I remember her saying that the lower her self esteem was, the higher she made her signature beehive
It's heartbreaking how someone with such a precious gift to really touch people could have so little belief in themselves
But isn't that always the way
I was shocked when I heard she had died but I wasn't surprised
It was inevitable really
Apparently she had managed to get clean before she died but was still drinking and had a massive amount of alcohol in her system the night she died
The only comfort I take is that she is at peace now
Safe from the demons that haunted her
Sleep well Amy
Blake and Amy
Are you an Amy Winehouse fan?
What do you think of Blake Civil Fielder?
Do you think he played a part in her demise?

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