Shocking news about the Stacy Brown “Bigfoot arm”: A Beyond Highbrow exclusive story!
The official story has already gone out. A possible Bigfoot arm was found on a man’s property in Florida. Stacy Brown’s team went to investigate and took possession of it. A FWS biologist was called in, and he verified that it was a primate arm. Photos were released to the Bigfoot press. The arm in the photos had obvious hair on it. Brown then issued a statement that they were going to have the arm tested. 11 days later, Brown released a story saying that the arm had been tested and had been proven to be an alligator arm.
So anxious is the Bigfoot community to believe that every new bit of evidence coming out is a hoax that the community swallowed this extremely unlikely story whole without even gagging for a second. Never mind that the arm has hair on it in the much-distributed photo. In order to believe the new story, you must believe that alligators have hair!
But apparently 100% of Bigfooters are so stupid that they think that alligators are hairy animals! Also you need to believe that a FWS biologist is so stupid that he can’t tell the difference between a reptile arm and a mammal arm. If he’s really that dumb, I think he ought to be fired right now. Apparently all Bigfooters are so stupid that they think the average degreed and salaried state biologist can’t tell the difference between a reptile and a mammal!
But the overwhelming desire on the part of Bigfooters to see hoaxes lurking behind every hint of new evidence apparently overrode what few brain cells they have anymore, and the community swallowed this cockamamie story without even blinking.
As you may have gathered, there is something rotten about this story to anyone with 1/10 of a brain (that excludes most of our community.) Ok, now that since you’re smart (you have to be smart to read here – check out the blog title), you have figured out that there is something horribly wrong with the official story. You are probably wondering, “Ok, this theory makes about as much sense as the single bullet theory. Considering I am not an idiot, what really happened then?”
Here is what happened.
The arm was found on a law enforcement official’s property in an area of heavy Bigfoot activity. The arm was dug up by a dog and had been worked by animals. The arm had hair on it. Alligators don’t have hair last time I checked. A FWS scientist was called in and said the arm was a primate. I know someone who saw the arm with hair on it and was there when the FWS made that determination. In order to believe Stacy Brown’s insane story, we have to believe that a FWS biologist cannot tell a reptile arm from a mammal arm.
Within one hour after taking possession of the arm, Brown received a phone call from a very wealthy Bigfoot enthusiast in Ohio. He wanted to get involved. Brown said no. The man said how much would it take you to give up that arm. Brown quoted a very high figure – I can now reveal that that figure was $500,000. The man bit, unbelievably enough. The sale was made immediately, incredibly, the entire $500K was wired into Stacy’s account, and the arm was in the mail just like that.
Brown then started putting out fake stories about how they were going to test the arm even though they didn’t even have possession of it anymore. Very quickly, Brown called up a taxidermist friend and asked how much for an alligator arm. The man quoted $600. Brown said fine and bought the reptile arm. They then put out a fake story about the arm being tested and having been proven to have been an alligator, all to cover up the huge amount that Brown made on the sale of the arm. The entire Bigfoot community swallowed the fake story whole. Brown is now, like the man in Ohio, a rich man. He is also a great big liar. On the latter count, in Bigfootery, he has found a happy home.
My source for this information: An anonymous source very close to Beyond Highbrow has revealed this very exclusive information to us. I know him well and believe him implicitly. This man is extremely close to Stacy Brown. He was present when most of the important events in the above story occurred. The source reports that some members of Brown’s team are disgusted and feel that Brown sold out Bigfootery for money. They feel that the arm may have been a real Bigfoot arm, but now it is off to some rich man, and we will never know what it was.
Because my new story will probably be torn to pieces by the idiots that overpopulate our community, I will have a question and answer session below.
Where was the arm found? Somewhere in Florida.
Was it found on the property of a credible person? Yes, he is a law enforcement official who wishes to remain anonymous.
Is there activity in the area? Actually, there is a lot of Bigfoot activity in and around that property, including a trackway that was found before the arm.
How was the arm found? It was dug up by a dog.
Does that make sense? Yes, Bigfoots bury their dead.
What shape was it in? The bone had been worked over by animals.
Did it have hair on it? Yes it had patches of brown hair on it. Alligators don’t have hair you idiots.
Is the arm human? The LE official immediately ruled out human.
What is the arm? It is the arm of a non-human primate.
Where does that leave us? It is either the arm of an ape or a monkey that was running loose in Florida or it is the arm of a Bigfoot.
How could an ape or a monkey be running loose in Florida? Reportedly there are monkeys and possibly even apes running loose in Florida having escaped from collectors and having been freed via recent hurricanes.
Is there any specific evidence that tell us whether this is a monkey/ape or a Bigfoot? Not that I am aware of.
Will we ever hear about this arm again? Possibly no. The rich man has taken possession of it, and we may never hear of it again.
Why was the rich man so anxious to buy the arm? I have no idea.
How did the rich man figure out so quickly that the arm had been recovered? I have no idea.
Who is the rich man? I wish I knew.
Is Stacy Brown rich? He is now.
Is Stacy Brown a liar? Sure looks like it.
Is Bigfootery about Big Money? It sure can be, no?
Is the Bigfoot community stupid for swallowing this insipid story? The Bigfoot community is always idiotic, and this is yet another pitiful example.
Why is this post titled Birthday Edition? Put on your thinking cap.
