Ana Bites Back???

The past week has been toughAnd I've avoided writing about it Because I don't know if there's cause for concernI don't know if what I am doing is normalOr an ED behaviourI don't know if I should even write about itBut when I read Kate's post the other dayAnd saw she had the courage to post how she was feeling This blog is not about how recovery is all rainbows and unicorn fartsThis blog is about realityAbout what life is like living withAnd recovering from an ED and addictionAnd let me tell youRecovery is not a straight path There are many twists and turnsAnd bumps and obstacles along the waySometimes it feels like one step forwardAnd two steps backRight now I feel like I have taken those steps backwardsLet me explain
In recent times I had stopped weighing And was using my clothes as a measure of my sizeI had certain items of clothing that were like a gauge for meOne item being a pair of navy trousers that I bought in London summer 2014These trousers are a size 10But have a really tight fastener at the front When I bought them They were a bit too big But I like to have a bit of wiggle room in my clothesOver the next year my weight was quite stable And any time I tried on the trousers They always fit Then this year my weight fluctuated quite a lot I lost weight in TurkeyBut put it on again when I came home Then About 10 days ago I weighed myself The number didn't devastate meIn fact it didn't mean a whole lotBut then I tried on said navy trousers And couldn't close the claspAlbeit they were just a little bit too tightBut to meThat was unacceptable 
I didn't plan on doing anything I wasn't dieting or anything like it But one thing was for sureI was getting back in to those trousers SoI began to be more mindful of what I was eating And decided not to eat after my main meal in the evening And dare I say itI even had a goal weightAm I on dodgy ground yet?I think so...
The last ten daysIve been weighing myself every morning I've lost eight pounds And want to lose a few more I must stress thoughI am not under weight And goal weight is not under weight I just want to fit in my clothes That's okIsn't it?
I don't know This all seems harmlessAnd maybe I  am totally deluded The navy trousers close now But now I want more room I them Is that ED talking?I don't know guys Please tell me if this sounds disordered Or if it's normal to want to lose a few pounds Because I don't want to go backwards I don't want to be underweightI don't want to put my family through that nightmare againI've told my mother about my planAnd asked her to alert me if I'm getting obsessive I am eating And I am not starving Or bingeing and purging I'm just being a little more careful with what I choose to eat I just want to feel ok in my skinI just want to fit in to my clothes I just want to be healthy and happy I do not want to harm myself Or any one else 
Thoughts please..