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Saturday Afternoon
JHop: Ugh Joe Buck. Why are we so close to his face?Score Whisperer: Because there's so much of it? His eyebrows are so low and his forehead is so huge. It is disconcerting.JHop: I can’t tell if I’m distracted by his hair or forehead. I just want the camera back about two feet. Is that his father next to him? Same striped tie, overly large forehead, terrible hair? Clay Buckholz looks like a rat. The announcers just said, as part of the scouting report, he “has to pitch downhill.” Doesn’t everyone have to pitch downhill? I am really bothered by this Manny thing. Score Whisperer: Seth Meyers had a tweet last night that was like "I bet Manny thought that he would probably just keep playing despite his retirement announcement." Which like? Yep. I bet he shows up to practice. Not Monday, because he probably wasn't that consistent before. I love Clay Buchholz. But again with the distractingly horrifying facial hair. Did the announcer just say Buccholz Buttwipe? Is that a thing?JHop:I heard Buccholz “buckler.” But it could have been buttwipe. We can go with that. Score Whisperer: Ah, okay. I can admit I may have misheard. I do not know what a buckler is and I feel like there might be some money to be made in buttwipes. Lord knows those Charmin bears are probably rolling in it. Oh! It's a pitch! I thought it was something he was marketing in his homestate of Texas.JHop: He is from Texas? I don’t see that for some reason.
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JHop: like an angry bird raptor. But yes, totally. I made my friend download that game. Because I wanted to be obsessed like everyone else, with my penchant for games. But i wasnt all that impressed. Red sox get a run on an RBI groundout by Youk, 2-1. And the announcers just called Francona "abe lincoln honest.” Whatever that means. I like Terry. I thought he did such a good job last year with all of the injuries. While i have talked massive amounts of red sox shit this week, I don’t expect them to have anything but an incredible season
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After the game ended, the Score Whisperer and I bantered about our mixed feelings regarding Ben Stiller, our mutual love of Dermot Mulroney and Amy Poehler, and most importantly, the epic awesomeness of Britney’s gold pants in her “Don’t Let Me Be the Last to Know” video (Score Whisperer: "whew, these pants. Like, imagine all the subpar looking teenage tramps that got a pair and could not rock them half as well as Britney, which is to say pretty bad still. But lord that body. I am like, NOT an ass person, but BritBot was bringing BritBooty."). We then parted ways, deep in thought about if Britney’s ass can ever look like that again, and if so, would it one day shimmer like the sun after a rainstorm?
Sunday Night
We met up again on Sunday for the “Rubber Match.”
JHop: Baseball has started! I have waited all day for this! That was a really pretty curve. I hope Beckett is good for like 3 innings and then blows up, as per usual. He looked good, but I will take a 20 pitch first inning. Theres a hit from dustin for you. Just for you Score Whisperer: he has a way of doing thatJHop: A woman reporter, Tara Sullivan, got banned from the lockerroom today at Augusta. People are outraged Score Whisperer: Oh, gosh, why can't Augusta never get its shit together JHop: I don’t know. but its pretty tacky in 2011 for this crap. ARGH. first and third for gonzo. he scares me. i think he is an excellent hitter who will totally excel in fenway. i have fantasies that a yankee spy will convince him not to sign an extension. This will never happen, but a girl can dream
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