Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder is just horrible. They’re awful people too but it’s hidden most of the time, and you can’t see it. The clue is the word aggression in the name of the disorder. They’re displaying out and out aggression a good part of the time. However, they do so passively, so it is not obvious.
The aggression is not always passive though, and if you get on their case about the car they were supposed to fix in two days but it’s now been three weeks, they blow an Old Faithful geyser through the ceiling.
You are the evil person for “pressuring” them. Their wild, towering rages are a sight to behold. They try to make you feel guilty for pressuring them to, for instance, complete a basic task reasonably on time? But that’s too much to ask. You don’t understand all the pressures they are under except they don’t have any pressures except things they made up. Don’t you realize they didn’t have time to do because they had so many other things to do? Well, they didn’t but this is the lie they tell to themselves. The endless putting off of jobs they are tasked to do is their way of secretly giving you the finger.
They stew in resentment all the time. Life’s not fair. Everybody picks on them. They’re misunderstood. People won’t stop “pressuring” them and “hassling” them, for instance about that car that they said would be done in two days that they now stretched out to three weeks.
They “forget” to do all sorts of things. They’re were going to call you? Whoops! They “forgot.” They were supposed to go to your Dad’s funeral? Whoops! They “forgot” again. They’re not forgetting anything. Their memories are fine. “Forgetting” is another way that they resentfully give you the finger for wronging them in some way or another. They’re getting back at you.
A lot of their passive-aggressive behavior is resent-fueled paybacks and revenge for something you supposedly did to them somehow. Or maybe they’re not mad at you at all. Maybe they’re mad at the world. Who knows? You will never get an answer out of them because they all have zero insight and if you bring up their passive-aggressive behaviors, they blow a 50 amp fuse because you hit too close to home.
Some of them get lost in grandiose fantasies that never come to fruition. You know, that silver mine they were going to open up that would bring in $500,000/year? Or was it millions? Oh yes, that. They were going on about that ten years ago. Nothing ever came of it and nothing ever comes of any of their grandiose schemes. If you bring it up the scheme that never happened you get a fog bank of obfuscation blown your way. What silver mine? There was no silver mine. Anyway, let’s change the subject. They never get much of anything done and are behind on everything all the time. They’re not achievers. They’re anti-achievers. On some level they know this, so this may be why they retreat into grandiose fantasy as a defense against their general failure to get much of anything done in life.
On the surface, they often appear so passive that they seem disgusting. Straight OCPD men can seem so passive that they are often feminine and during times of stress, they can become out and out effeminate to where you would be sure that they are gay. They don’t take initiative. They don’t do well with women for this reason and they tend to hook up with bossy, bitchy women who wear the pants and beat them up and push them around all day. Of course, this just reinforces their general resentment against the world at large. They’re often always right. You can’t correct them or tell them they are wrong. They blow a frustrated fuse that looks like a spouting oil well that struck oil. Their rages have a sense of self-righteousness and frustration about them.
PAPD’s differ a lot. I have only known one PAPD in my life and unfortunately, yes, he’s a monster. You have to walk on eggshells around him all the time. And he’s such a big pussy that it’s disgusting. I knew someone else, now dead, who was also very passive aggressive, but I am not sure he had PAPD. He was a lot nicer, but his wife kicked his ass 24-7 and he could never get anything done. He would still have Christmas cards from several years back that he never opened. He had huge piles of stuff everywhere that “he was going to get around to deal with” except he “never found the time.” He was passive-aggressive, but I am not sure if he was PAPD. I suspect that true PAPD’s are pretty awful people and are quite abrasive, like most personality-disordered people.
