I just spent the past 84-days walking on eggshells, being very cautious, observing all the signs, and praying there would be more days to continue my journey.
No, I wasn’t doing any of that because of the United States Presidential Election.😉
I’m talking about Shark Week. You may know it better as “Aunt Flo”, “Cousin Red”, “Red Tide”, “Surfing the Crimson Wave”, or “Ride the Cotton Pony”.
At 48-years old, I’m anxiously awaiting the day that I can chunk all those maxi and mini pads, pantyliners, tampons, and Midol!
And I thought I was well on my way.
However, to my dismay, Sunday came along and I began spotting.
“Oh hell.”
For a moment there, I thought it would just be a bit of spotting and be done with it. But as I laid in bed watching ultimate shamers on Shameless (Showtime), I realized I was very mistaken. My dream path of progressing towards the final curtain on Shark Week, can to a drastic halt.
But it didn’t stop there
Not only did the floodgates of hell open up in the blink of an eye, someone (probably some liberal) was kicking me in my gut. Rummaging through my medicine cabinet looking for anything to ease the gut-wrenching assault on my viscera.
Voila!
My favorite bottle of “take a few now” with a gallon of water and still feel like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. There really has to be a better remedy than this! Let me see what I can remember:
- Ibuprofen
VicodinSoak in a bathHeating padBottle of Vodka or WhiskeySmoke a few joints
Oh yeah, these are all things I can do AND go to work. NOT! Well, I guess one out of six isn’t too bad.
Feeling like the Pillsbury Dough Boy
Ransacking my closet for comfy, yet work appropriate clothes were just not on my agenda. I settled for a work shirt and loose jeans. Oh, why didn’t I just decide to stay home and lay around in diapers? At least no one, other than the furkids, would have bothered my while I sat on my throne for hours on end.
Like surviving 8-years of Obama in the White House, his predecessors, and the upcoming challenge of enduring 4-years of a Donald Trump leadership.
I can do this!
Time to face the music
Apparently, my lady bits are not ready to succumb to Menopause yet. I need to accept this, just as I’ve accepted the obnoxious world of Politics in the U.S. and the need for Americans to destroy one another. It’s not something that I accept willingly, however, until I find a Power that is higher than the Government itself, Shark Week will continue in my life as it deems necessary.
No matter how hard we want to control everything in our lives, we simply can’t. There are authorities that will never give in to our wishes. We simply need to ride it out and wait for Change to happen.
When I resume counting once again, I’m hoping that I can at least push past the 84-day milestone and rejoice in a new.
Women are survivors
Anyone who can cope with the menacing days, weeks, and months of “Aunt Flo” visiting, can certainly overcome any other obstacles we may encounter. What doesn’t kill us only makes us that much stronger, right?
My “Peri” friends
What’s the longest you’ve gone without that beloved visit from “Flo”? When she decided to stopover again, was it like the floodgates of hell or a walk in the park?
We’re all ladies on a similar journey, let’s compare notes!
