I had my last cigarette on 11th August at 10 30am in my aunties garden in LondonI had been building upTo it for a couple of weeksMy uncle had brought me home two cartons of cigarettes from TurkeyThat's four hundred individual cigarettesI decided that when I had them smokedI would give upI deliberately chose a time when I was away from homeAs I figured it would be easier to quit away from my usual routine
The two cartons of smokes lasted me barely two weeksThat's almost thirty cigarettes a dayI smoked my head offNow I wonder how I had the time to smoke that many a dayBut you know what?I thoroughly enjoyed every oneI was not one of those people who was a reluctant smokerOh noI loved smokingLoved the ritual of itTaking a cigarette from the box tapping the head on the boxLighting up a flameAnd taking that first glorious dragI loved the social aspect of sneaking outside with someone to share a smokeThe way you could strike up a conversation with a fellow smoker I loved it all
My favorite smoke of the day was first thing in the morningMaking a cup of hot sweet teaSettling down at an open windowAnd for those 5 - 7 minutesI was in heaven Lost in my own thoughtsI did my best thinking when I was smoking
All of this sounds very romantic and glamorousBut it's notIt's really notBeing a smoker is toughMore often than not you are a social pariahBanished outside away from everyone elseI can remember when you could smoke in pubsOn trainsWhen no one would bat an eye lid if you lit up right in front of themI remember the first time I was in hospitalYou could smoke right outside the buildingMy care assistant would push me on my wheel chair down to the smoking shelter And we would simultaneously light upNow you can't even smoke in the hospital groundsHow times have changed
Then there are the health issues Although I have to admitThis never really bothered meBecause for most of my career as a smoker I didn't care if I lived or diedAnd of course the big elephant in the roomI didn't want to stop smokingBecause I didn't want to gain weightNot on your nelly
NoThe one thing that got me was the financial costAt ten euros a pop I was spending €100 a week on-my precious cigarettesI am on a disability allowanceA very fixed incomeSo that left me with little or no money to spareAnd when my bulimia was ragingFood was another expenseAnd so my money rarely lasted the weekI was constantly brokeAlways borrowing moneyAlways oweing moneyIt's not a nice feelingI couldn't save any moneyI had no spare money for incidentalsNeeded help paying for my car expensesThis really got to meAs I really wanted to be financially independentOr as much as I could beSo there was only one thing for itThe smokes had to go
So on that morning of the 11th August 2014I settled down on the bench in my auntie b's gardenWith a cup of teaI had my book thereBut I decided not to readI wanted to enjoy and savourEvery last puff of that smokeAnd I didIt was one of the most enjoyable smokes I ever hadBut all too soonIt was overAnd it was time to put it out I said my goodbyesStubbed it outAnd walked in to the houseAnd in to my life as a non smoker
Giving up while I was awayTurned out to be a good ideaI didn't have a fixed routineSo there weren't specific times when I smokedIt wasn't easy thoughI was so afraid of the dreaded weight gainBut I was gaining weight anywaySo I thought what the hell?And I did gain weightAnd probably over shot my set pointBut thankfully my weight seems to have settled at a BMI of 20Praise the Lord my weight has settled
So it's been five monthsAnd it has been hardBut not as hard as I thought it would beI still dream about smokingI wake up panickingThen I remember I haven't smokedAnd relief floods through my body
I still love the smell of cigarettesI love to get a whiff of second hand smokeI was in my living room last weekAnd I got a smell of smokeI followed the scentAnd found my father smoking a cigar out the kitchen windowSo I guess my sense of smell had improved
But I am gladI'm happy to be a non smokerSay it with me peopleIAmA NonSmoker
This is a little cigarette case I bought in London a few years ago
This is a cigarette purse I bought also
I wanted to be like Betty Draper from Madmen
