I can't quite believe it
I was such a heavy smoker
And I genuinely thought that I couldn't give them up
Smoking was the first thing I did in the morning
And the last thing I did at night
I loved smoking
I enjoyed nothing more than a cup of tea and a cigarette
But over the last few months I hadn't been enjoying them as much
Mostly because they cost so much
I was spending almost 100 Euros a week on the buggers
My uncle got me two cartons of cigarettes in Turkey
It was then that I decided to give them up
I smoked my head off for two weeks solid
And got through 400 smokes in that time
That's over 30 a day
How did I even have time to smoke that many?
All the while I was mentally preparing myself to give them up
Psyching myself up
Then on the morning of Monday 11th of August
I found myself with one cigarette left
I held on to it for a couple of hours
I really wanted to relish and enjoy my very last smoke
Conditions had to be perfect
I made a cup of tea
Fetched my book
And sat on the seat outside
I lit it,
And took deep drags
I thoroughly enjoyed it
I didn't want it to end
But it did
And that was that
I didn't tell many people that I was giving up
Because I wasn't sure if I would be able to do it
Everyone told me that I had given up worse in the past
But this was different
I don't know how but it was
I decided not to use an e-cigarette
Or gum
Or patches
I just wanted to see how I would do cold turkey
I wanted to give them up when I wasn't at home
I thought it would be easier that way
As I didn't have the same habits as I did at home
Fast forward 25 days
And here I am
I am no officially a non smoker
That is so awesome!
I have to admit that one of the reasons that put me off giving up
Was the fact that I could possibly gain weight
I think I have a gained weight
But I have to weigh up which is more important
To be a skinny smoker
Or a curvy non smoker
I choose the latter
That means so much to me
That I can choose that option
It means that my ED has loosened it's grip on me
6 months ago
I would rather have died than put on weight
How things can change
As I said
I used to have a cuppa and a smoke
I did my best thinking then
And anything can be resolved over a cuppa and a smoke
Now I have had to change my routine
Now I have a cuppa on it's own
Or I might have a few squares of chocolate
And that's ok
There have been other benefits to my non smoking
I have a lot more money now
So I can give my mother some every week to contribute to bills and things
It makes me so happy that I can help out
And anyway
It's only right that I do
Also I no longer smell like an ashtray
My clothes and my breath are all crisp and fresh
I also feel like I am breathing easier
That is a huge benefit
I am reluctant to give myself too much credit though
As I could go back on them at any second
I do know this
But I am doing the best I can
And that's enough for now
