"Happy Thursday!"
I know when you read my title you are probably thinking, What? Well, that is,...for people who know me, who know my love is running and know that is what I do,...almost everyday. But, I am not talking about the physical running, the exercise running, the cardiovascular so good for your heart running. I am talking about the running from me, from problems, from issues, from fears, from anger, from depression, from low self esteem, from anything I did not want to face or deal with on a daily basis and even police when I needed too!. I ran to drink, to drug, to forget me, to dismiss me, to accommodate me in another form, to find something I thought I was looking for, to toxic people, places and things. I ran, I ran and I ran!
When I chose to become sober I needed to stop running. I needed to stop avoiding, denying and changing the subject whenever I felt anxious, fear, disappointment, shame, guilt, uncertainty and mostly uncomfortable in my own skin. I had to realize the only way to stay sober is to face my demons, face my distorted, self centered and self absorbed, feel sorry for me attitude and behaviors. I needed to realize that mostly all my relationships were with toxic people,...from friends to boyfriends to some family members. I needed to be aware of my patterns that would cause me to run from me! I needed to realize that "always" being in a relationship with a guy was not going to make me happy, complete, wanted, needed, accepted, important, validated, special and mostly loved! It was never love, it was codependency at it's finest! Meaning, I always had a boyfriend, and when I didn't the ugly feelings inside me would cause me to quickly fall into another toxic and unhealthy relationship...the insanity pattern! I see it today with women and men who are getting divorced, getting remarried, getting divorce, getting remarried,...for God's sake work on yourself, stop running from something only to find and marry the same product,...just a different face. Figure out why you keep doing and finding the same type of toxic and unhealthy relationships,...work on you and no one else! Insanity! Yes, the running I see, that I am aware of, that I deal with today! Furthermore, I needed to deal with me, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I need to remind myself that no matter where I go I am still there and nothing in this world regardless of how I may be feeling will change unless I am willing to change it. No material things, no divorce(unless there is violence or harm,...then I would say run for the hills!), no food, no alcohol, no drugs, no people, no vacations, no career, no new job, no "more" money, no bigger house, no better neighborhood, no better school system for my kids, no new clothes, no new shoes, no vanity in one self, no new diet or exercise will change me. I am sure there are many more. The truth of the matter it is only temporary, and the running is still there. I needed to stop running! STOP,...running!
How ironic for those who do not exercise physically but later realized they were always running,...just not in a physical way. How did I stop running? I stopped when the anxiety, panic and fear became to much for me. Ever have a panic attack? There, you can start there and see that God is doing for you what you can not do for yourself! That is where I started! That is where I stopped! I learned to be mindful of my spirit, my emotions and my physical feelings. How? Follow your instincts,...your gut feelings! Don't ignore them, deny them because you are fearing,...too much, worrying too much,...and avoiding,...too much. For instance, when I know I have done something wrong I need to address it right a way and if I can't I write it out. Tool, number one for me and you as well...start writing all those not so good feelings you have in your soul! I learned that running in a physical way helped me release my stress and anxiety. It allowed me to clear my head when I was upset, angry or resentful with someone else. I have always been a runner but today, I run for all the right reasons. Tool, number two for me and you as well, get a good pair of running or walking shoes and get out and move those emotions out in a more positive way. Finally, tool, number three...be true to yourself! I learned to speak up for myself, take charge of myself, be responsible, accountable and face the consequences I may had or perhaps still do today,...in order to be true to myself and my spirit. What I have gained by not running anymore is self respect, self worth, self confidence, the ability to take care of myself emotionally, spiritually and physically. I have gain so many more things in my life since I chose to stop running that the list could keep going. I no longer have the need or desire to run from anything,...unless it is dangerous,...lol! I stopped running!
Do you still see yourself running from things? If so, try some of my suggestions above and see if they help you from running away from things in your life. Today, I will run and know that it is to improve my spiritual, mental and physical well being,...rather than hurt it!
Sobriety Fitness by Cathy Shuba is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.sobrietyfitness.com.
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