I did not expect to write this but yesterday a rather large and beautiful bunch of flowers arrived from you, with a simple card that read “Sorry”. While I know it has taken a lot for you to apologize it stirred up many emotions I had been hiding and now I have the perfect opportunity to get this written out and hopefully be allowed to lay this past of my life to rest.
We met online, became friends and within time I began to trust you. I told you about things going on in my life, you were with me through the court case with my ex and my children, the times I was up and down and you looked after my group and Twitter for me, not to mention writing on the blog. I opened my online world to you. That was hard to do. I appreciated your help.
I even accepted you into my family, you and your partner and little boy came to visit me quite often, every other weekend at times, you slotted in here. I introduced you to other friends of mine and just when I thought I had made a friend for life you betrayed me in the ultimate way.
You were pregnant, you knew how much you were about to hurt me yet you did it anyway. What happened was out of my hands, the choices were taken from me. To protect my other children and family, I did what I had to do. I only wish you were able to understand that. I did what I did because I could not live with myself otherwise if anything did happen as the health professionals advised it could. Do you believe for one moment that was an easy decision to make?
Instead you told another mother online who you knew hated me, knowing all too well she would twist and stab in the knife. Which she did. She branded me many things and other cruel and twisted things sprouted out publically onto her Facebook page. She didn’t hurt me, how could she? She meant nothing to me, but you did. Never once did you step in and say hold on there your lying that’s not what I told you. You allowed her to do it.
I don’t understand why you did that to me. You said I hurt you as I was not here for you. I was always there you just didn’t see it. I don’t show emptions, I keep everything hidden away.
I should thank you also because of what happened a hundred other people found about and unlike “her” offered me love and support and they were there to make the pain more bearable.
You judged and left me at a time in my life when I needed you the most.
That day was horrific I want you to know that. I want you to know about the thousand tears I cried, I self-harmed because I hated myself and I took 100 steps back. I will never recover from that, but I have finally accepted that something’s in life we can change.
I am going to forgive you because I don’t like to know that I am hurting anybody, including you. I will never understand why you wanted to hurt me and I will never forget what you did but its time that I forgave.
Forgiving you will make it easier to forgive myself too
So I sincerely thank you for the kind gesture of flowers and I forgive you
I cannot promise we will ever be good friends again, trust is earned
Emma x
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