Every mother wants to be connected to her baby and wants to be sure about what her baby needs, but often her low self-esteem makes her think that she is failing. Undoubtedly finding out what your baby wants can be a very frustrating job that takes up a lot of energy and strength. How much should I be feeding my baby, how long should my baby sleep for, why doesn’t she sleep at night, why is she crying so much?
Working it all out when you’re affected by tiredness and are not able to think clearly and rationally is hard for absolutely everyone.
So what do we usually do? We reach for a book to help us, or often listen to everyone else but our own feelings. We stop observing our baby and miss her cues. I’ve done it myself after working in childcare for eight years, thinking I knew it all.
When I had my son I realized that mothers have to believe in their abilities and let the books only give them an idea, inspiration and tips.
I believe that we shouldn’t look for step by step guides to whatever we’re trying to achieve. These guides or suggestions simply and truly don’t work for every baby and neither for every parent.
So YES! You were right! It’s possible that nothing that you’ve tried suits your baby’s needs or her style. It’s not only that our babies are different, but we also have our own distinct ideas of how we want our baby to behave. Focus on your ideas, your feelings and your baby.
Of course it’s impossible to always know what to do, but don’t impulsively search for answers outside your ‘mother and baby’ world. Having that special bond that everyone likes to talk about is mostly about tuning in with your baby and letting your instincts tell you what to do. You have no idea how well you can manage the situation until you try it. I’ve suggested it to a lot of people while writing a book about it, and most mums were astonished how their own ideas worked best. Before this experience, they wouldn’t even consider following their own instinct due to lack of confidence.
I wonder how many children have the ones that created these life agonizing rule books that make mothers feel as they’re not even capable to brush their baby’s hair the right way. I often wonder if really just getting the title of these books right makes them bestsellers or it’s actually the truth that mothers would do anything to keep their baby happy.
How seriously should we take the advice given by professionals?
Well we usually receive advice from people who are in fact only allowed to tell us what they have written in their ‘rule book.’ They aren’t individually observing your baby. Then we get advice from people who are supposed to protect our baby from any hazards and they have to follow strict guides. Then we have guidelines that are made after a certain research is made. Once again if our baby is not taking as much milk as it’s written on a baby formula, we see it as our own failure.
Of course sometimes we are scared and feeling hopeless.
My experience with children goes back to 1992 and since then I’ve been surrounded with them almost every day. However my true experience began when I had my son. Oh my God, I was overwhelmed. I was ecstatic and wanted everything to be right. So right, that I made myself think that I was rubbish at everything that I was doing. Nothing appeared as I expected it to be. Fortunately, I soon woke up from this hypnotized state.
Seeing frustrated parents and frustrated children while working with children was one of the main components of my experience. Often unseen agents of these frustrations made me realize that we try to solve problems by concentrating on comparing our babies and ourselves to other babies and mothers, usually written about in baby books.
We hope to learn from other people, therapists, doctors, midwives, nannies and apply their experience into our lives. Learning from other people is a good practice and works in every area of our lives; however you and your baby are individuals and you have your own needs and preferences. Babies are all different and motherhood especially, affects all of us differently!
You need to be confident and trust your own feelings. Use your instinct and your common sense. As a mother you know best what your baby needs. Following your instincts and using common sense is the only permanent solution to your worries.
You’ll be surprised what you can come up with!
I know it’s hard and sometimes you feel as you have no idea what you’re doing. I know that if you are one of those mothers (such as me) who are more sensitive to the outside world, you may find having a baby overwhelming. During hard times finding an attitude that maintains good health and wellbeing for both you and a baby can sometimes be hard for even the strongest personalities.
About me
I’m a mother, writer and a positive person who’s just the same as any other woman who’s trying to be good at what she does.
I love children, family life and am concentrating on the best outcomes that I can imagine. I use my experiences to help others and make them feel the way they deserve to feel about themselves.
My first experience with children goes back to 1992 when I was only thirteen but perfectly capable of looking after my one and half year old nephew. Yep. They left me with him all by myself.
Later I became a live in sole charge nanny and worked with children for over eight years.
I saw the children getting up, going to bed, I kissed them goodnight and often said I love you. I saw their first day at school and was there when they had their first bath.
However, I do agree with many who say that nannies aren’t always right. If I compare my work with children and having my own children, I’d say one thing.
After becoming a mother something has changed about the way I thought about children. My first priority was to protect and save my baby from any discomfort. Goal number one was to keep my baby happy no matter what.
Then I was reminding myself what I should be doing to help my baby learn and grow in to a happy and confident individual.
I saw myself making the mistakes that I used to see mothers making, and I had the chance to fully understand the feelings that lay behind many actions that mothers do. I understood the feeling of guilt and frustrations. I understood why mothers feel the way they feel and because of my experience I could manage it and explain it to myself and others.
When I had my son I learned more about children’s psychology, I’ve studied what spiritual teachers have to say about babies and children. My research that I’ve done for my last book Forgotten Secrets of Natural Conception has also helped me to be more aware of how human mind works, and how it affects our present.
Putting my experience and my studies together I’ve become truly inspired to write a book for all the mothers out there who are already doing a fantastic job. I wanted to show you that you are more than capable to look after your baby and toddler. I wanted to remind you that there is no need to feel guilty because our children live in a present moment and whatever you’re giving them ‘NOW’ matters! Whatever you did wrong in the past, they do ‘NOT’ care about!
Love Martina
You can contact me here if you wish.
http://www.martinapangrazzi.co.uk
The book will be out in the next few months.
