I’m not very good at this. I want to be the person that I know I can be, with a big life and a big heart and an ability to love people no matter what is happening in my life. Despite wanting that, though, I see, to regularly find myself knee deep in quicksand and going down.
Do you ever find yourself taking things out on others? For me it’s never intentional, but if I find myself jealous of someone’s life or frustrated with how things are going in my own life, I tend to take things out on the people closest to me. I can be a raging prick, and it’s not cute.
I’ve been that way recently. It’s not my favorite look on myself, and I’m still figuring out how not to do that. I’m also figuring out how to apologize.
When I told myself I would grow this year, I knew it would be tough. I knew I was going to be challenged in a lot of ways – I was going to have to put some things on my heart that maybe weren’t things I would willingly put there before. I was going to have to be the bigger person in some cases. It’s hard, I’m going to be really honest with you. Growth is a beast.
The other thing that can sometimes be hard for me is trying. Trying to find places of growth and not being scared to dive into them. Trying to keep my cool when something doesn’t go the way that I hoped it would. Trying to stay positive when I feel like there is a ball of negative energy that has made its home in my gut.
I chose Grow as my word for the year because I knew I wanted things to change. I knew I wanted to be the best version of myself, and that I hadn’t been before. And, deep down, I knew growth would be difficult. It’s really coming to fruition now, though. Growth is difficult. Trying is difficult.
The thing I have to try and remember is that you can’t grow if you don’t try. And no matter how hard trying is, the growth is always worth it.
How is your year going so far? Did you pick a word? How have you seen it manifest itself recently?
