So the prompt for today was to write about anything that comes to mind, but the hard part...is we have to free write it. Just start writing and see where it goes. We can edit spelling and grammar but can't change anything about the piece once we have written the words. No editing! Terrifying! So I just started writing and this is what was tucked at the back of my mind this lunch time. A bit of a ramble. Enjoy!
There is this song by One Republic that is very popular at the moment. It is called Counting Stars. There is a line in that song that really resonated with me and got me thinking. So much so, that I have had that song on repeat ever since. The line is I feel something so right with doing the wrong thing. I realised that doing the right thing has always been something I have focused on and striven for. Who knows why? Seeking acceptance of parents, or anyone, probably. We’re all a little guilty of caring what people think of us at one time or another. But this really had become an in-built belief. Do. No.Wrong.
But here is the thing, by choosing to live your life solely by that motto, and chastise yourself every time you do something wrong by your own ridiculous standards, you are inevitably setting yourself up to fail. Because we are designed to do wrong every so often, aren't we. We are designed to be imperfect beings. When I look back on the last ten years of my life, I don’t remember the nights I stayed in, instead of going out. I have nothing to show for the times I didn't send that text, or didn't say those words. All the things I didn't do, may have saved me from hurt, but didn't add depth or experience.
Now all the things I have done 'wrong', that is another story. All the times I took that chance or chased a risk and it all went bad; stood drunk and crying into a telephone; danced until the sun came up when I had to start work in a few hours; got on a plane and traveled to the other side of the world alone, just because I could; fought for a relationship when the other would not fight back. Now these are moments I remember and these were times I truly understood what it meant to feel alive and raw.
I haven’t always had a lot of faith in myself, and I never knew why. Turns out, I might have been stifling who I really was. Instead of boring myself to tears by being the girl that always did the right thing. I had to become the girl who can do the occasional wrong thing and congratulate herself for being a human being. It opens up life to a whole lot of more interesting things and ever so exciting and adventurous paths.
‘Everything that kills me makes me feel alive.’ – Onerepublic.
AHHHH! Hitting publish before I lose my nerve.
Much love XX
Laura's Writers Workshop
Onerepublic - Counting Stars
