You realize you are now in a different place when no matter how ordinary the things you do, create memories or triggers. Nothing is ever the same again is it. Once you have had an eating disorders, the life others take fore-granted is not available to you.
We came to the day surgery place. Sophie was so relieved we weren’t in the main hospital where she had been an inpatient for the anorexia. She missed that point made at the dentist’s office.
Next the lady at the counter asked for Sophie’s arm to put her medical ID bracelet on. Sophie physically and mentally faltered. This was really hard for her to do, again too many memories of hospital and that ID bracelet being there for weeks. She actually had to push through this to place her arm up to get the bracelet on.
And finally, you need to be weighed for the anaesthetic. I deliberately didn’t say anything about this. I knew she would be very worried. Definite trigger. She came back and it wasn’t about the wisdom teeth it was all about the figure on the scale. “I am so heavy”, “Were you ever this weight”, “What am I going to do about this”….. It was a case of outlining the benefits – you have a life, you have full brain capacity back, you are healthy, you are happy, it is not about the number on the scale. But the time and place were also not in favour of my reply either.
For now while she recovers from the surgery, the weight issue is tucked back in her mind. But it will come back. That much I know. How strong or what she does with it depends upon her belief in her own recovery.
Am thrilled though the surgery effects are minimal. Her pain level is pretty good, minimal swelling, no problems. Just very tired mainly. Am blessed with that. She is also loving being the center of my attention again and being cared for.
