This is a guest post from Tina Lemon. ENJOY!
The set-up gets a bad rap. It sits just under browsing personal ads on craigslist and events like Speed Dating for Cougars in the “I’d rather be single than do any of these loser activities to score a date” hierarchy. But let me tell you something, people, beggars can’t be choosers. Beggars can’t be choosers. As a woman who has had her fair share of set-ups (and relational mishaps), take my advice and go for it. Anytime anyone (and I mean anyone) offers to set you up with someone, say yes! I know, I know, dinner with the non-native English speaker your mom goes to church with isn’t exactly the most appealing situation to find yourself in, but in the long run I think it can actually help you with your game.
GET YOUR FEET WET. Dating is not easy – true story. But the more you practice, the less you go through that crazy, “Do you think he likes me?! Do you think he’s the ONE?!” downhill spiral where you obsess over his every post on Facebook, trying to decode some sort of “secret message” confessing his undying love for you. You’re CERTAIN that he loves you BACK! Even though you’ve met him, like, once. And barely spoke two sentences to him. Not that I’ve been there or anything… heh.
Anyway. Set-ups are like training days for finding out who you are and what you are looking for when it comes to dating, especially if you haven’t had a lot of experience or find yourself thrown out in the field after a long term relationship. Set-ups can help you practice interacting with people of the opposite gender without getting all weird and sweaty. The thing about a set-up is that the initial fear of rejection is eliminated because well, man, the chick/dude was delivered to you. You didn’t sweat bullets trying to ask the cutie two cubicles over on a date-in fact, she/he can’t refuse and risk shrinking your manhood/womanhood down to the size of a pea. Hang on to that extra ounce of self-esteem and funnel it towards making this no-pressure date a good time!
ON THAT NOTE – a set-up date should always be a no pressure date. So please, no pressure. Don’t hype it up and avoid getting all judge-y on people. Don’t expect that the person fit all of your demanding criteria before they even grace your presence. Yo, it’s a freakin’ cup of coffee for cryin’ out loud. In my early twenties (sigh…early twenties…), whenever I was propositioned with a possible set-up, I would bombard the setter-upper with a million questions about the guy’s financial/physical stats and begrudgingly agree if and only if he met my sky high expectations. But you know where that’s left me, ladies? TWENTY NINE and ALONE. Please. Please learn from the mistakes of others and just say yes. Men, I know the first question you ask is, “So, is she hot?” Dude, go step in front of a full length mirror and do some self reflecting. Take a good, long look at yourself. Go ahead. DO IT. Ask yourself this, “Are YOU hot?” Now, I don’t know how else to put this, but the answer is probably a reverberating “NO!” (Imagine hearing that in the booming voice of James Earl Jones echoing in your cold, lonely bedroom.) Snap out of your pubescent fantasyland where busty avatar girls feed you grapes and come back to reality.
AND LASTLY… you just never know what might happen. You might actually enjoy yourself. Seriously. I once got set-up with this really sweet guy that I probably never would have gone out with otherwise (see Why Nice Guys Finish Last) and dated him for a few months. It didn’t work out but I don’t regret it at all and gained a lot of insight about the type of man I’m looking for in a relationship (see Why Nice Guys Finish Last).
Though your date might not end up in either of you saying, “I do” at the altar, I can guarantee that as long as you remain open-minded and act like none other than your charming little self, you will (most likely) have a good time. Or at least you’ll have a good story to tell when you and your friends get together to share horrific tales from dating hell.
Oh, and a little self plug here – all you single, employed men between the ages of 25 and 35 living in the greater Los Angeles area – my name is Tina Lemon. And I’m available.
Holler.
