Dating Magazine

Why Snooping Isn’t Wrong: It’s Your Life Remember?

By Kelly Speechless @KellySpeechless

OK, so I know a lot of you are not going to like what I have to say about this topic. As usual, while I hope it helps and know I am right here are a few reasons some of you might say that looking through your boyfriends stuff, or getting a little gadget is crazy.

Respecting others “privacy.”-I am sorry but in a relationship aren’t we pass the part of having any privacy? I mean I still don’t walk in the restroom while it’s being used. I say, “Bless You,” when he sneezes. But as soon as he saw me naked and vise versa privacy shouldn’t suddenly be a missed call. Well he will let me handle his private parts but looking at his missed call list now that is to private!!!

If you feel you have to look through his things then you obviously don’t trust him: BINGO! Trust is subjective.

Also, sorry to disappoint all the permanent smiles with lipstick brushed on the teeth here but even Mr. Perfect can one day wake up and be Mr. Looney Tunes. People change, and no matter what stage your relationship is in, or if things are going great you simply can’t predict a human beings future mental state and or decisions. When you get the opportunity to to snoop, do so and that one time could help you avoid three more years with someone who has turned into a good liar/dumb ass about four years ago!

MEN: Ok usually I ask you guys to apply my usage of, “He, man, guy and boyfriend,” to your preference. But this is important for just you. So after this paragraph go back to inserting your words to describe your partner.

Dear Guy’s,

Unfortunately society believes if you spy to much with some certain methods you will be carted off to jail. This is more likely with a crazy woman or man your spying on because it would be as if Christmas cam early if they saw a backroom to a security system at a mall in  your basement.

So guys don’t start out or use these items in order to not screwed yourself before you even get anything to prove your suspicions OR if your just doing a check when the time presents itself.

Cameras of any kind even if there in a pen are a no no. They just are. Societies a bitch, trust me I am a woman and camera for you is a no no!

I know what your thinking that is still a camera!

Anything that you place in the car EXCEPT GPS TRACKER (Those are fine)

NO BUG! NO BIG VOICE RECORDER! That is way to America Most Wanted and a sign your either turning this into some Dick Tracey operation or have lost it.

No panty checking or placing boobi traps of idiocy. Just don't .

Base her behavior on her slutty or “crazy,” friends-This is why and it’s not what you think. Unless your girlfriend is already useless to the world trust me, she doesn’t like or want to be her friend's. Spying on her friends will only make you look like a dirty asshole, and will cause you to be girlfriend less. Leave them alone in the spying game of things? GOT IT?

As crazy as I am I have friends. Not one would want to be me for a day! Not because I am awful but I am pretty out there and it would scare them. I LOVE my friends! The slutty ones to! I am in a relationship and have been for seven years. Hanging out with Tanya who likes to sleep with a lot of guys isn’t going to make me want to sleep with Todd who she met while we were at the bar at Chili's. If my friends wear this new type of BLANK it is not going to make me want  to  wear it if I don’t like it. If I am a real friend and it is horrible I will tell my fiend. Anyway, one more example: I LOVE PINK. I wear pink to and whenever my 27 year old ass can get away with it. I love 6inch heels. I got a lot of choice glances for wearing those bad boys at the Planned Parenthood rally.

Anyway, unless we are really underdeveloped cognitively and have not mentally adjusted to the peer stage of growth than we don’t want to be our friends.

THAT IS WEIRD! Even one friend of mine who is gorgeous! I mean gorgeous and way prettier than me. It’s just a fact everyone is better looking than someone else. Anyway, as gorgeous as she is I still don’t want to be her or copy her style or live her life. If she started sleeping with the Dallas Cowboys I am not suddenly going to like football or trying to be a groupie. Been there done that. Anyway, boys no cameras, stop spying like Dick Tracey and we don’t want to be our friends so don’t start spying there.

Alright. Back to my Bitches.

If his phone is locked you need to get in. I only lock my phone when I am around crazy family members. I run into them by accident but still my phone gets locked. I lock it when I am meeting with a client, going to a business function, or if the key lock stops working and my phone is in the bottom of my purse.

If my boyfriend said,

“Hey Kelly, lite me see your phone a minute I want to check out something.”

I would say, “Sure the passcode is on it’s, “BritneyBitch, capital B’s one word.”

I wouldn’t even think about it because I have nothing to hide! Let’s say your boyfriend just really likes to lock his phone but has nothing in it.

Great just make sure when you get a chance to check this fact for an updated source it’s correct.

Password: If you are too scared (sigh, “Jesus,”) than here is how you figure it out.

  • Pen,
  • Pad of sticky notes,
  • ball’s
  1. His email address name in any combo go. WRITE DOWN THE ONES YOU TRIED
  2. First Name and Last Name Initials REPEAT FIRST NAME 2002, 02, 03, (use graduating class year and the year before)
  3. If he’s a funny little bastard: use the word big, top, man or one he uses to call himself when he is drunk before his name or number combo: THIS ONE IS ALWAYS IN LOWER CAPS FOR SOME REASON.
  5. Now I would give away our passcode tips but remember mine above? We are a little more creative, but most likely we will tell you and if we don’t we are up to something)

The only reason we might not let you see it is if we had up some financial shared to do, mistake or something like that in viewable optional folders. If that is you and your that women, “STOP USING JOINT CHECKING OR GET A JOB SO YOUR NOT ON AN ALLOWANCE!” (this does not count if you have kids because that is two 40-hour a week jobs (I didn’t come up with this the 2012 “book of shit that we acknowledge as the truth, and my lack of being a complete moron did.”




(USE THIS WHEN YOU HAVE SOME SUSPICITIONS) Checking up on your mans phone monthly is different than following his ass the whole month!

Put it in his car. If you can’t do it ask you dad to put it in he most likely will. If not pay someone to put it in and one day leave with his car while he is asleep. Or take your car and park it in someone's garage and tell him it’s at the shop and you two will share a car for a week. BEST SELF INFLICTED REWARDED ANNOYANCE EVER!

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