THE NICE GUY. You either know of one, or quite possibly you are one. It’s good to be the nice guy, and you should definitely not feel too bad about it. However, when it comes to dating, the nice guy REALLY does finish last. And I know that a lot of girls out there protest this statement, on some idealistic level, but honestly, not very many girls really date “nice guys”.
When I say nice guy, I’m talking about those guys of whom people (usually girls) always say something like, “he is SO amazing and one of these days he’s going to find a WONDERFUL WIFE.” But then, when someone asks them if they would ever date “the nice guy”, they quickly blurt out some statement about how “oh, no, I mean, we’re just friends…” or “no, I don’t think we’re compatible…”
What most girls do is they FRIEND nice guys. And they expect the nice guys to be nice to them, without expecting to date. And when the nice guy ends up liking the girl eventually (because really guys and girls can’t be friends), she gets OFFENDED that he would DARE betray/destroy their relationship. Gawd. I don’t know why, but as I’m writing this, I feel such an overwhelming sense of bitterness. BITTERNESS.
Here are six reasons why I believe nice guys finish last, when it comes to dating. Two points to make here before I begin. #1. Some of my points are going to sound similar in nature, but there are specific nuances to each that I want to tackle. #2. When I make blanket statements, know that they are blanket statements. I know there may be people who are not like this. But, I think in general, these statements are true. A lot of girls WANT to believe that they genuinely like nice guys…but when you take a look at their dating record, and the people that they usually end up liking…”the nice guy” rarely makes that list.
1.) Girls are attracted to power and status. Having a strong personality exhibits POWER and STATUS, and as such people who are aggressive, dominating, arrogant, etc. exude confidence, security, and strength. These are qualities that girls are normally attracted to. In general, women want to feel secure and comfortable with the guys they end up dating. And nice guys just don’t give them that sense of security on some of these levels…unless the nice guy is rich.
2.) Nice guys are TOO Nice. The problem with a lot of nice guys is that they’re just TOO nice. It’s kind of suffocating. I mean, it’s cute, definitely. And we all LIKE nice people, no doubt. But when it comes to dating, nice guys can be a bit over the top and suffocating at times. Nice guys are the perfect friend, quite possibly an incredible husband (in the future), but make “not so fun and exciting” boyfriends.
3.) Nice guys are too sacrificial. A nice guy type of scenario is this: if you like a girl, and some other guy likes the same girl…then as “the nice guy” you’re going to just let the other guy go after the girl. You tell yourself stuff like, “she’ll be happier with him”. This is fine…FOR EVERYONE BESIDES YOU. Obviously, if you don’t pursue the girl you’re not going to GET the girl. There are ALWAYS going to be other guys liking the girls that you want to date. It’s a part of life. If you keep letting other guys take the girls that you want to date…well then you’re going to be lonely and miserable for a long time.
4.) Similarly, nice guys aren’t assertive enough. The thought process of a nice guy before he calls a girl, or talks to her online is…”I really don’t want to OFFEND her”, or “I don’t want to waste her time”, or “what if she’s sleeping or busy or doesn’t want to talk right now”, or “I don’t want to make her uncomfortable…”? These kinds of questions are stupid (unless you’re calling at like 3AM, in which case, you’re not only the nice guy but the dumb guy), and are the reason why you’re not successful when pursuing a girl. Don’t WORRY about all that stuff, just let what happens happen. If the girl is too busy or is uninterested in talking to you, then she’ll let you know (sometimes subtly, of course). However, if you don’t call/gchat AT ALL on some theoretical “she may not be available” premise, then you skip out on one of the most important aspects of a relationship: COMMUNICATION.
5.) Nice guys are normally super idealistic. Nice guys spend too much time in their rooms, lonely, thinking and dreaming about the girl of their dreams. As a result of this, they’re normally way too idealistic in terms of what they want. This is especially true in their approach to dating. Nice guys believe that if they hang out with a girl long enough, the girl will eventually see their awesomeness and change their perspective about him. This MAY be true, and QUITE POSSIBLY may on some small percentage chance actually happen…but more often than not, the opposite extreme happens: boy likes girl, girl never likes boy, boy becomes bitter and no longer “the nice guy”, but “bitter man”.
6.) Nice guys are in a lose-lose situation in the girl department. Loud, extrovert girls are generally not attracted to nice guys in their earlier days because they want to go and do fun things, like go clubbing, dancing, partying, etc. (or something similar), and it’s not that the nice guy doesn’t want to do those things…but usually, doesn’t have the extrovert personality to really be SUCCESSFUL at those types of events. Nice guys usually can’t dance, are too respectful of a woman’s body to dance too close to them (or don’t want to offend the girl or something), and…well they’re just not that flirty. On the other hand, nice guys are usually not assertive enough to pursue a quiet, introvert type girl…and the same can be said for the quiet introvert girl…leaving both nice guy and nice girl in a stalemate. Bottom line is, nice guys usually go after the wrong type of girls.
With that being said, is it a BAD THING to finish last? I don’t really know. The earlier days (High School, College and some of Post-Grad) are definitely depressing and lonely, but when nice guys finally win…they usually WIN. It’s tough to say, though. One thing I will say is everyone can do with a bit more assertiveness and confidence. This isn’t just for dating, but for life in general. If you’re always a push-over, it’s going to be tough to get things done in life…and people will take advantage of you.
My ultimate advice is this: don’t stop being nice. But go after the things that you want, and don’t be so afraid to offend people that you always choose to do nothing instead of something. Furthermore, according to CNN.COM, if you want more dates, you have to, at least somewhat, ditch the “too nice” personality type. http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/04/14/mr.nice.guy.backlash/index.html?iref=allsearch
