Life Coach Magazine

Why Journal - Self Help Lesson#11-Showing Confidence

By Whyjournal
Love Yourself - Think confident and you will be confident

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Why Journal - Self Help Lesson#11-Showing Confidence
Most of us have a problem with something about ourselves. It might be our frizzy hair, crooked teeth, big butt or whatever. We often allow these things to keep us from being who we really are, scared as to what other people might think or say about us. We will try to do what we can to hide that part of us, trying to cover it up so other people do not notice. Sometimes when we are not confident, it will cause us to shy away from social situations or even prevent us from excelling at what we are good at. 
Think about it, are you the type of person who always tries to stay out of the center of attention when in large groups or when you are around people you do not know, but when you are with your close friends and family you are totally outgoing and able to act yourself? When we are with people who we know care about us, we are free to be ourselves because we know we will not be judged and we understand that these people really know us for who we are, not for the huge zit on the middle of our face or the scar on our arm. Well we need to understand that every single person has something. Something that they do not like about themselves. But the difference between a confident person and a person lacking confidence is that the person with confidence has learned to except about themselves what they do not like. The way they think about it is, I am a person just like you, who is not perfect. If you do not like me for who I am, then I do not need to associate with you anyway. Would you really want to be friends or date a person who is so shallow that they dislike people for what they look like, and not who they are as a person? I know I would not like to be friends with a person like that.
You will find this true in relationships as well. When you first meet a person, the first couple of months you are dating it is all about looking our best. Being funny and pleasing the other person. We want to make sure that we are "perfect". We want the other person to believe that we are confident and happy. We will try to hide all of our flaws so the other person does not see any of that. Of course I am not saying that we should not go out of our way to impress the people we are dating, I am not saying that we should not try to look our best and show our best personality. But the fact of the matter is, after we let our flaws out is when we feel most confident. After that initial "perfection" period is over and we can wake up in our sweat pants and with our frizzy hair and know that the person laying next to us loves us for who we are, not for what we look like is when we feel our best, that is when we feel safe and confident.
A lot of people tend to think that when we get to this point of a relationship, that the relationship is dying. That could not be further from the truth. It is when the actual relationship is starting. Of course we want to be attracted to our partner. And we do not want to get lazy or stop trying to impress the other person, but when you can be as sick as dog, look like you just got hit by a bus and then punched in the eye and your partner is still standing next to you telling you that you look wonderful, that is when we feel confident! That is when we know that this person loves us for who we are, not for what we look like!
Judging other people is a big sign of lack of confidence. We tend to talk down about other people and try to find flaws in others in order to justify the way we feel about ourselves. Usually when you find a person who is constantly talking down about other people, they have a deep issue. By finding things wrong with other people, it helps them to feel superior. They need justification for their imperfection. There is no need for us to be like that. 
The truth is that if we feel good about ourselves then that will shine through in our personalities. Not all of us are extremely social, and that is ok, but having confidence does not mean that it will change us into somebody that we are not, but it will allow us to be who we are without the fear of judgment from others. I know that you probably have heard this a million times, but in order for others to love you, you have to love yourself. 
There are plenty of extra beautiful women and men out their who on the outside look amazing, but are lonely.  And then there are people who are your average Jane/John who are extremely happy, have a life full of friends and who always have dates. Why or how you wonder? It is all about how you feel on the inside. If you feel happy, you will act happy. If you feel beautiful others will see you as beautiful, but on the other hand, if you feel sad, people will see you as sad, if you feel ugly, people will see you as ugly. No matter what we look like on the outside, the inside always prevails.
A great example of this would be "famous people".  Most actors, actresses, singers etc. are good looking people. Or at least they pay to be good looking people. The pressure on these people is tremendous. They are expected to look good, always. And when they are caught being normal, it is posted all over the internet. They are expected to always be confident and look perfect. That is just not possible. So what if Jennifer Lopez went to the store without her makeup on. Big deal. Does she really have to spend an hour in the mirror prior to getting a coffee? That is just not fair. She is a person just like you and me. We wonder, why do these people who are so beautiful and who are rich, who have everything that they could ever want and dream of get so messed up? Why do they have all of these failed relationships? Why?  It is because they have to always care about what other people think. They have to play a role and live up to a certain standard because they are a celebrity. Guess what everyone, these people are human. They have issues just like the rest of us. They lack confidence at times also, but they are not suppose to show it. How hard do you think that is?  Most of the time they cannot be themselves, which does the opposite of giving confidence, it makes you lose confidence. So before we judge these people we should try to remember that on the inside are made up of the same stuff we are. 
I have to end with something from Eminem. To me he is an example of a person with confidence. Yes he has messed up plenty of times, and he has an unusual confidence you might say, but guess what. He says the craziest things and people love him. Why? I think it is because he says it how it is. He says what he feels and he does not care at all what other people think. He is knows who he is. He has flaws and he is not in any shape or form afraid to express them. Of course he wants to make millions of dollars and for people to like him. But what were his odds of become this huge rap star? He took a chance of being who he is and it paid off for him big time. 
Here are some lyrics to The Way I am
And I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
'Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am

What does that mean? I am whatever you say I am. Well basically you can think whatever you want about him and he will just agree. He does not have time to care about what you think about him. It really does not matter. He knows who he is and that's that.  If you are interested in Eminem, I wrote an article The Best of Eminem - Famous Quotes and Eminem Bio
So if you do not like something about yourself, remember that is ok. That is normal. But except it. Let people see you for who you are, not for your flaws. Tell yourself everyday that I am beautiful inside and out. Just like the hot dog at the top of the page, tell yourself you are awesome! My outside does not make my inside, but my inside does make my outside! We are what we think we are. It really does not matter what other people think, what matters is what you think. If you think you are special people will agree with you!
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