It is amazing how many people have told me I am going to die or be maimed traveling the world. How I am going to be cheated and scammed and sold into slavery. I've gotten rather used to Americans telling me this, and almost everyone that has doesn't actually own a passport, so I brush it off.
Recently, however, I had a nice South African man tell me he left Johannesburg permanently because he kept getting carjacked at gunpoint and his friend had been kidnapped. He shook his head sadly at me, poor ignorant me, and told me that if I was his girlfriend he would never let me venture out alone. Well, thankfully I'm not his girlfriend and nobody has to let me go traveling.
Out of all of the things that could go wrong, perhaps it's surprising that kidnapping, murder, and plane crashes don't even hit the top five of my Why I'm Scared to Travel List. When I mention my true worries to others, they shake their head at me and make me wonder if I'm being a whiny entitled brat, but here goes anyway.
1. I Am Afraid I Will Grow Bored
Isn't that the most entitled statement you've ever read? It just might be.
I have every opportunity, and the means, to travel the world for more than a year and I am afraid I will be bored. I worry incessantly that looking at things will lose its appeal eventually and I'll be staring at a gorgeous life-changing temple and think "meh". I am so used to a structured American approach to life of work hard, play hard, but I'm not sure I've ever really done the play part. Or even learned how to relax and enjoy life. I struggled with this when living in Ireland, and I'm afraid I'll grow bored and restless on the road.
2. I'm Afraid I Will Hate It
I love to travel. I love to meet new people. I don't even mind being dirty for days at a time. And yet I seem to worry that this is not a lifestyle I'm going to love. I thought I would love SCUBA diving, learning Russian, and dance classes, but as soon as the immediate novelty wore off I wanted out. I pray feverishly that this is a lifestyle I can adapt to and learn to love, because it'll be a long time before I can go home.
3. I'm Afraid I Will Give Up
On the trip, on being adventurous, on a lot of things. I am 100% a quitter. When it gets frustrating and difficult I often talk myself into quitting because I rationalize that life is meant to make you happy, and do I want to take the chance I die tomorrow, miserable doing some silly activity that really makes no difference in my life? I am trying to resolve this issue and learn how to stick with things during this trip. It's one of my major goals, but learning how to change is difficult this late in the game.
4. I'm Afraid I Will Starve to Death
I am one of the worst picky eaters I've ever met. In Thailand, I bravely tried about three dishes before deciding I just wouldn't eat. I nearly fainted in Bangkok before my best friend dragged me to Pizza Hut, just so I would get some calories. I went all of the way to Asia to discover the decadence of Pizza Hut. Let that sink in a moment. I've reasoned with myself I will try one new food a day while traveling but again, I am totally a quitter. I'm hoping the inability to understand what I'm ordering might help me find some new dishes I love, but I foresee a lot of stress and terrified facial expressions as I poke and prod every meal before me.
5. I'm Afraid I Will Fall in Love
When I started planning this trip, my sister wrote me a check for five thousand dollars on the sole condition I didn't fall in love and abandon my trip. Well, I fell in love. Then I watched it crash and burn rather than abandon the trip. I tend to fall in love with unsuitable people at impractical times, and I'm afraid it's going to happen while cage diving with sharks in South Africa or lying in a hammock in Cambodia. I'd love to break the cycle and spend the next year and a half alone, content and aimless, not trying to figure out if pursuing love is worth abandoning dreams.
So there you have it, I've rated falling in love with someone on the road as more terrifying than being murdered.
That sounds about right.
