The conversation that I have often with my sister is how the cycle evolves when you meet someone new. Your phone becomes your best friend and you will actually sit and wait for it to vibrate or make some crazy ass chime to alert you that you have a message. Unfortunately, when you look at your phone you realize it’s your momma or some telemarketer scamming you. Imagine cleaning your kitchen and your phone is in some other part of the house. You’re mopping like crazy or you’re putting away your dishes and then you suddenly stop and think to yourself “did my phone go off” you leap over your bucket of mop water, jump over the broom and run and grab your phone only to see your blank ass home screen. The human mind can play some cruel jokes at time!
We live in a world in which text messaging and social media has literally replaced the need for an actually phone conversation. I remember a time when you had to dial a number on that damn rotary phone and if the line was busy you were shit out of luck. This is now a thing of the past and when you meet somebody new the first means of communication is 90% of the time a text message. I’m all for modern technology but the wrong way to start off with anyone is via text message. I type all day at work, I type papers 3 times a week, and I type blogs consistently so the last thing I want to do is type out paragraphs of information telling someone about myself via text. Call me and get to know me and then if you choose to send me a few text messages to check on me then that’s cool. So in an effort to understand text messages I’ve developed a way to decipher what text messages really mean during the dating phase. This is the time when your phone becomes permanently attached to your hip so you won’t miss a damn thing.
An extremely early morning text telling you good morning = I woke up with you on my mind
An extremely late text message that states “I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you” = I went to bed with you on my mind
An extremely late text message that states “I’m thinking of you, you should come over” = Booty Call via Text
Several text messages during the day that simply says “Hi and How’s your day going” = I can’t get you off my mind
Any picture messages that reference some form of change = I’m still trying to figure out why people start sending you pictures, maybe they think you forgot what they look like!
Text messages that state “where are you” and “what time will you be at home” = I wonder if she’s seeing someone else or I need to be in control
Text messages that are irate because you could not immediately respond within 5 minutes = Nutcase
Picture messages of Private areas = I’m only in this for sex (No decent person will ever send you pics of their private parts if they’re truly trying to get to know you as a person first, that can come later) Depending on what you see, they may have sealed their own fate!
Text Messages responded to hours later without valid explanation = you’re not important enough for me to immediately respond (If there was a really serious reason why this person couldn’t respond they will call you and explain big time)
Text messages that never get answered = I don’t give a damn about you at all
Text Messages saying “Hey, What’s Up” from someone you met 6 months ago = I was dating someone and that didn’t work out so now it’s fishing time
Text Messages from someone you know that says “who is this” = someone who doesn’t know how to lock their phone and someone is now going through it (You should prepare yourself to receive blocked calls either before or after this text)
A text message stating “I love you = Just in case they don’t love me back I’ll text to keep my ego and my pride in check ( Although sweet, the first initial I love you should be a face to face interaction if at all possible)
A text message stating “this is not working out” = A coward who doesn’t respect you enough to break up with you in person, be glad it didn’t work out.
It’s funny how when you first meet someone a text from him/her brightens your day. You find yourself smiling at your phone like a crazy person. When it doesn’t work out and you receive a text, you now stare at the phone as if satan himself has texted you from the pits of hell, that’s if they even bother to text you at all.
Text messages and social media can indeed lead to a big ass natural disaster. I wonder how many arguments have stormed their way into relationships because of Facebook, Twitter, and your cell. I’m sure the number is quite high! For some apparent reason when people set up social media accounts the first people that find them is an ex. Some are simply curious to see how their ex flame life has turned out while others set out on a personal vendetta to either ruin your life or get you back. In any case, a wise person would decline either request all together unless you like drama. I’m amazed at how many people actually do like natural disasters and straight up drama being a part of their everyday routine. I’m sure there’s a term for it but I call it bullshititis. It when you’re dating someone who doesn’t have a whole lot of drama and then turn around and run back to the same old BS you swore up and down you were through with. Why? Well that’s a whole different blog!
