Thank you for everyone’s kind and loving wishes. You really humble me and it means a lot. To those who have questions, I will get back to you over the weekend.
Facing this again brings even more understanding of just critical the need for power and control in a teenagers life is. When the environment and culture they live in is out of control, when family life constantly moves, those who feel insecure and exposed, need to impose some sort of control. It gives the illusion that everything is balanced again and that with this illusional control they can survive.
However this control is usually destructive. Whether you over eat, restrict, purge, exercise etc. these sorts control/power behaviours are just that – an illusion and destructive. Sophie restricted food and wanted to disappear. W
ill (my son) exercises to almost pass-out stage and wants to disappear. Both gai
n think they have both power and control over their feelings and situation. But they don’t.
Like all forms of control you cannot demand they just stop. NOW! It makes sense to yo
u and m
e cause we probably can. But to those with the mental health illness of an eating disorder, anxiety or depression, just stopping is impossible. It is also dangerous.
If you take away behavior that is giving control, you suddenly leave a gapping inner whole that has nothing to relieve the emotional pain and stress. You run the extreme risk of filling that whole with other destructive and compulsive behaviours.
Little by little is the solution. You learn to see how the destructive behavior is benefitting you and what you need to do about it. You have therapy to teach you ways of coping that involves healthy attitudes and behaviours.
Sophie demands I get Will to stop. Demands he eat more. It is amazing how little she remembers of her own eating disorder behavior days. I will write a whole post on this because it is worth it.
