My apologies for the delay. Sorry for the delay in my response. So sorry it took me a bit to get back to you. How many times have you started an email with one of these phrases? I know I certainly have on a regular basis. The inclination is strong in us as we continually navigate a work and personal environment filled with unrealistic expectations and overtaxed to do lists.
Our increasingly digital existence has meant that more and more of the work that we do happens electronically. This only increased during the pandemic as we shifted to Zoom meetings and classrooms, and more collaborative projects facilitated by Google and Slack. When you add to this the functionality of most digital platforms that enables instant notifications for all incoming communication, and the urge to reply immediately can be strong.
When I began my career, I prided myself on swift replies to all emails. I still remember being overly excited about my first smart phone first and foremost because it meant I could check and reply to emails from anywhere. What better way to demonstrate my commitment and work ethic than to reply to an email at 11pm or 4am, right? Wrong. What I didn't realize then was that expectations were shifting and becoming more and more unrealistic. It was the beginning of a toxic loop that added anxiety and stress to an already overworked capitalist existence.
Unless you've conveyed a level of time sensitivity or added a priority date to your communication, you're timeline may not be the same as my timeline. As such, it's unrealistic to expect an instant response. You don't know what else I have on my plate at any given time, nor do I know what's on your plate. Furthermore, if you've waited until the 11th hour to ask for something, then you need to be prepared for the possibility that I won't be able to provide it. Surely, if my schedule allows and I am able, I welcome the opportunity to assist you on short notice. However, the moment that becomes an expectation is the moment we have a problem.
When we apologize for taking more than 12 hours to reply to an email, we convey an unrealistic expectation to others and position work above all else in our lives. That pressure to reply quickly also means we aren't always thinking through our replies or gathering the necessary information to enable us to send a complete response. The result is confusion, unnecessary follow-up emails, and ultimately frustration. If we had just waited a bit longer and thought through our response and gathered the necessary information, we could have saved ourselves the headache in the first place.
This rush to reply and guilt we feel when we don't is often reflected in other aspects of our work and personal lives as well. How often do we feel pressure to complete a task, rearrange our schedules, or take "just one call" while we are on vacation? The reality is that the cost is far more than simply the 10 or 15 minutes we spend on that call. We also invested mental energy in thinking about the call, planning it, considering what might be said, and then reflecting on it afterwards. All of that took place when we were supposed to be on vacation, spending time with family, friends, or ourselves...not doing work.
Our always-on culture is probably not going away anytime soon, and the pressures to stay on probably aren't either. However, we can truly turn "off" when we are away, and we can set realistic expectations for replies and requests. This may mean a quick "I am quite busy working on other projects at the moment but anticipate being able to give your email it's due consideration in ______ days" autoreply. It may mean adding "no rush, respond when you are able" to the end of your own email. For some, it may mean deciding on certain blocks of time when you check email (I would suggest around noon, and again around 4pm) and keeping your email client closed otherwise. Turn those notifications off.
I've also started including a proactive statement in all of my email communications to this end. A colleague shared it online, and I found it quite on the nose.
"TRULY HUMAN NOTICE: Getting this email out of normal working hours? We work at a digitally-enabled relentless pace, which can disrupt our ability to sleep enough, eat right, exercise, and spend time with the people that matter most. I am sending you this email at a time that works for me so feel free to respond when convenient for you. Additionally, if you'd like to stop receiving emails from me, please let me know.
Please note that I respect all boundaries around personal time, well-being, self-care, and rest. If you receive correspondence during a time that you're engaging in any of those activities, please know, you can protect your time and wait to respond when ready."
Whatever your approach, I hope you can begin to give yourself and others just a bit more grace. We are all trying to do more with less, squeeze more into less time, and all the while try to do the best work we can. I will never stop assuming this about you, but I will stop apologizing for not replying to your email until the next day.
