At some point in our lives, especially in our late teens and early twenties, we have all cheated on someone. I’ve seen many articles that explain what the signs of cheating are, the late nights, the unexpected distance, the guilt gifts, and let’s not forget the sudden change in moods. These are indeed signs but the number one sign you need is basically within you. Your intuition is generally all you need! Anyone who’s been with their partner long enough knows when something isn’t right and when things isn’t adding up.
When your gut tells you something is wrong and when you suspect something is not right the last thing you want to do is confront your partner. If you confront without proof a good cheater will make you feel like you’re the craziest person on earth. Only confront when you have sufficient evidence and when you do, do not kick your partner out, at least for the time being, you need to have some type of purpose and a plan that will allow you to get a handle on things. Having your partner at home is actually more beneficial for your sanity. Due to the fact that your emotions will be running at an all time high, you don’t need the extra stress added by wondering what they’re doing after you kicked them out. Put their ass on the couch or in the spare bed room but don’t put them out the house. This is especially important if you have children and/or if you’re a house wife without a source of income. Please do not contact the TV show cheaters, do you really want millions of people knowing your business? Is that show even real?
Now that you’ve discovered that their cheating here’s what you don’t want to do. First, get a hold of yourself and your emotions do not go out and try to kick ass. There is no law against cheating but there is a law against assault, you will go to jail. Do not go out and cheat just to get even, two wrongs never make a right. Do not tell your friends or family, like I said, you need a plan and if your plan includes working things out, don’t say a word. This is hard because you will want someone to confide in and it’s easy to get your friends and family together and sit around and bash your partner. The problem is, if you get back together your friends and family will never look at this person the same ever again. You can forget about family barbecues and parties, they may accept your decision but essentially they will think your partner is a piece of shit and some will treat him or her as such. You need to be able to think clearly without having everyone’s opinion in your head. If your partner decides to move out on their own, help them pack their shit and let them. Do not beg and plead anyone to stay with you that is not fabulous. Do not contact him/her, this is the hardest thing in the world to do but trust me, this is for your benefit. Here’s what you can do, if you need to talk to someone get a therapist, think about if this is something you can move past or if you even want to remain with the person. Re-discover who you are, sometimes we lose ourselves when we’re with someone for an extended amount of time. Take this time to do some of things you’ve wanted to do while you sort out your emotions and process your thoughts. Due to the over whelming amount of people who don’t practice safe sex, go to your doctor and get tested for any sexually transmitted infections, because you really don’t know if the cheating was protected or if the cheating was done with multiple partners. Make some positive changes, change your look, your environment, and whatever else you feel necessary that makes you feel good about yourself.
I have come to learn that when people cheat, it’s not always because something is wrong with their partner. People cheat for various reasons, stupidity, selfishness, and low self worth are some of the reasons. People will cheat when they feel pressure from their friends, people will cheat when they feel the spark is gone from the marriage or relationship and lastly people will cheat when they feel like you have no desire to please them sexually. People say that sex is not important but let’s be honest….it is. If your partner expresses to you that they want to try new things or that their no longer sexually fulfilled you might want to listen. No one wants to feel like their needs are no longer important or that you have no desire to please them or validate their concerns. No one wants to be nagged or controlled. Lust and the quest for sexual fulfillment can be just as powerful as the emotion of fear. In any case, there’s no justification for cheating and the reason why so many people cheat is because there are so many people willing to cheat with them. It’s just that simple, in most cases when someone doesn’t know the person their seeing is married, when they do find out most continue the extra marital affair. People fail to realize that if they cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you, so you can forget about someone leaving their partner and you guys riding off into the sunset together. Get your head out the clouds.
Time heals all wounds and the decision to stay with someone depends on how you handle things and how your partner does as well. It takes two people to make a marriage or relationship work. Sometimes people work it out and sometimes they don’t. As they say “once a cheater always a cheater” it’s up to you to decide whether this is true or not.
