You’re engaged! Congratulations! But your ring is…not what you imagined.
Hey, it happens.
It’s ok! Now is when you and I disquiet that inner monologue, playing out like the comments section of a clickbait Facebook post. You are not a gold digger. You are not a materialistic monster. Obviously the most important thing about your engagement is that you love the great guy you’re marrying. But it’s not the only thing! The ring is allowed to be an important part of your engagement (otherwise I wouldn’t spend so much time talking about it!) And all those haters in our imaginary comment thread probably relished the moment they got to post their own ring selfie, showing off a ring they loved. You deserve the same thing.
So, now that we’re feeling less guilty about not being as in love with the rock as we are with the guy, let’s get down to business. Time is of the essence.
First of all, your ring very likely has a 30 day no-questions asked return policy. In the best case scenario, there’s a lifetime upgrade/trade guarantee (where you can trade in any ring in salable condition for one you love more, paying only the difference if your new ring is a little more expensive.) In either case, you need to let your guy know -stat. Don’t add insult to injury by pretending you love it then in the midst of a chardonnay-fueled planning session get into a fight about the floral budget and finally shout that you DETEST pear shapes. Don’t do that.
Rather, let him know – gently – that you are madly in love with him, and can’t wait to be his wife. But this ring isn’t necessarily suited to your taste or lifestyle (setting too high? That’s a problem for ladies who work with their hands! Teachers, artists, doctors, scientists, anyone who works near fine cashmere sweaters and silk, etc.) Anyway, break it to him gently – this isn’t quite what you were picturing…or pinning to your subtly titled ENGAGEMENT RINGS board.
Allow him space if his ego is wounded. He probably dropped a chunk of cash on the ring, and probably thought it was great (or didn’t notice the differences between a 6 prong solitaire setting and a three stone halo…some guys just aren’t about the details.) If it’s a family heirloom, tread carefully – he may have wanted to have it re-set in a modern ring, but didn’t know how to ask Nana without offending her. You know your future family dynamic, you need to make the judgment call here. But odds are, your guy spent a lot of time choosing the perfect diamond – and maybe just didn’t realize the importance of the setting. Luckily for you, this is EASY to fix.
Bring your ring back to your jeweler and choose a setting for the diamond he already bought, you can likely exchange (as long as the order wasn’t custom) or use the jewelers’ upgrade policy. You also may change your mind entirely when you try on wedding bands with your ring – you’d be amazed by the power of the stack.
If the diamond shape is the issue, you may need an entirely new setting to suit the shape you would like, so just bear in mind this may be outside of budget or the time you’re willing to wait to show off your engagement ring. Present your jeweler with this concern immediately if this is your situation.
Finally, if metal color is your issue, ask about having a yellow gold setting rhodium plated, or possibly ordering the same setting in the rose gold you’ve always dreamed of.
Bottom line – you are not without options. And you’re not a monster for not immediately loving your ring. If, after a few days you just can’t commit to the ring like you have to your groom, gently bring up the topic, and it can’t hurt to treat him to his favorite dessert after your trip to the jeweler.
