What I Choose for Today.

Sometimes when the world seems out to get you, all you have to do is take a moment, breathe, and look at what you do have, and then smile. It could be worse, right? Believe me, I know there are some more tough times ahead for us but I'm choosing today to look on the brighter side of things. I have too. Even my depression med's aren't helping much these days. 
This morning, I put Noah in his walker (no, he isn't walking. He sits there) and he just looked up at me and there was this moment where he just stared at me with a slight smile and while I was telling him “I love you” over and over again, it was like he was just taking it all in and living “in the moment” with me. That definitely started off my day just right. I'm still smiling about it. If anything, that little boy knows he is loved! It's those little moments that I love most. The moments just between him and I and those sweet moments just between my daughter and I too. Her smile and generosity to others make me smile everyday as well. I'm pretty darn lucky. 
Being in this state of worry, frustration with doctors, financial stress, etc, it is hard to get up in the morning with a spring in your step. After I get the kids fed, changed, and into some activity, I finally sit down with my coffee, at the computer and either job hunt, search for more information on Lowe Syndrome, apply for business grants to get my company up and running, or if I have something to say, I'll write another blog post, like today. Today, I need to clean. I've let things to for a week now and it's time to fight this state I'm in and just get it done. I have other more interesting things I'd rather be doing, but I do need to care for my family and that means keeping a clean house. Which is another reason lately, I've wanted to simplify my life and that means the next time we do end up in another house, I actually want a smaller house, or at least a one-story. It doesn't take away from the fact I still love the house I'm in but I just don't think we can stay in this house much longer. We just can't afford it. 
I've been looking at the schedule for the rest of the month today. I'm sure I'll hear by phone about Noah's EEG and Head CT. I don't have an appointment with the Neurologist to discuss those results until September 20, which...if they both came back normal, I won't mind. However, if there is something to be discussed regarding either test, I will make them see me sooner. I'm sick of this waiting. I understand there are other patients but I don't understand why I would have to wait so long to talk about his results to the EEG and the Head CT. Another reason, I felt I had better care for Noah with Duke. I can't speak to all the medical entities in N.C. but it did feel like the patient was number one at Duke and seeing doctors and quickly, wasn't a problem. I didn't have to be that “annoying mom” to make things happen faster or feel like I'm getting heard without condescending remarks from a doctor.  
On a lighter note, I made my first jewelry sale today. I'm so excited! Anything I make from my jewelry will also go toward Noah's medical care. I've been thinking about starting a website to sell my jewelry and explain that proceeds will go to my son Noah. But, that's for when I have some extra time to do so.  
I shall go for now. I need to clean and go over some of Noah's PT exercises. He always seems to impress Ms. Angela, so we need to keep that momentum going!  
Have a great day everyone.
Jenna