I remember the day I found out I was pregnant like it was yesterday, May 3rd 2011. I worked in a bar and brought a test before work. I got home at 1am and was itching to take it , yet I waited as was always told its better to do in the morning.
When I did the test the following morning I knew I was pregnant before I even checked it, in the past few weeks I had changed so much. I didn’t no how I felt , I let the baby’s father know , he said it was all up to me .
I was so confused and scared. I told my mom who was supportive as she had me at 15 and I was 19 now. She wanted me to keep this tiny precious baby. But I didn’t think it was for me , I jut didn’t know.
I went to the doctors and spoke about abortion, he gave me the clinic address and I went the following day.
I remember waiting in the room and feeling sick to the bottom of my stomach, deep down I loved this baby, but I just couldn’t imagine life as it’s mother.
The consultant called me in to his office and I had a scan, instantly I sore my baby and the heart beat and I was in love, I cried my eyes out and said I couldn’t go through with it.
The fact I had gone to the clinic upset my mom so much . I came home but was still confused , I had pushed the baby’s father out for the time being although he was supportive .
My mom went on holiday the following week and I remember waking up feeling like I just couldn’t do it. I went straight back to the clinic behind my mums back and took the pills that would kill my unborn baby.
Instantly I felt regret and cried after I swallowed the pills.
What had I done?
I was told I would have a few hours to get home before the pain began. I barely got out the clinics doors before blood was dripping down my legs. I reached home and I was in so much pain I deserved it. I passed out on my bed and woke up in a puddle of blood, my partner came and supported me the best he could . I killed my poor baby on June 2nd 2011.
I felt a horrible loss , I was a horrible person. The next few months were awful and I had to rebuild my relationship with my mom. By September I wanted a child I don’t no why.
Every month my period came I felt worse like I was being punished , I didn’t deserve another baby. Whether girl or boy I would of called the baby Micah.
February the 14th 2012 I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant. I can not tell you to this day how happy that made me . Literally the most amazing feeling in the world. My little miracle Noah was born on September 2nd 2012 , 5 weeks premature , I am so in Love with my son it’s scares me, but I think about my first child every day.
I think of Noah and what the other child would of been like, and I now I no Noah I could abort a child ever again. Such precious little things , he makes me smile every second of the day.
This inspirational post was written anonymously. I have full permission to share the story and it is true to the best of my knowledge. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous story please Contact Me.
