We made it!!! Yr 12 formal accomplished and the sky didn’t fall in.
The anxiety levels in Sophie this last week just kept climbing, she even told me I breathed too much. Every possible thing that could go wrong she worried about and escalated it. By the day of the formal I felt incredibly sick for most of the day. Just enduring seemed to be the way to go.
But she made it. Looked stunning, had a lovely night and everything went smoothly. She discovered that it wasn’t that hard or that awful. Despite comparing every part of herself to every other girl there (I’m fat and plain, they are all pretty and thin), she enjoyed herself.
To crown her achievement she has already been accepted into 4 universities. Makes the outcome of the HSC and ATAR marks a non-event now, which is very very good. Less stress and a confidence booster for her.
Will is (I think) slowly starting to benefit from his medication. It is so slow in making any difference and I am surprised how different the medication uptake is in boys to girls. It must be a gender, body mass, muscle, and metabolism thing. Will of course denies he feels any better. There is part “I prefer to wallow and declare I am soul lost in the dark” and of course the black/white thinking, “If I am not feeling a 100% then I am totally 1%.” There are no in-betweens.
He is back at school finally, after spending almost 3 weeks at home, is behind but is slowly working through his assessments. It has been an anxiety point for him and me, that being Yr 12 he cannot afford to even get a little bit behind. For me I can see how the medication is working – he is pacing himself, getting to school, and not having a panic attack. He doesn’t need a smile plastered on his face.
He has self-harmed, but thankfully only the once and has promised he will try not to do it again if he can help it. The night of the Yr 12 formal I made sure he had the company of his older brother by phone and online. Just in case.
We have also finished the family group sessions at counseling. Many levels of pain in that, but many things are now out in the open. As I realised, there is nothing left to protect the kids from, they saw and felt more than I ever knew. Being open, means we can perceive each other’s feelings and viewpoints better and can move on from this. Recovery and healing is for all of us. The next lot of sessions with counselor and psychiatrist are just the kids, with me having a 5-10 minute update.
So this week coming looks more hopeful, definitely calmer and another week forward in recovery for all.
