Did you know there’s an epidemic sweeping our nation? Well, there are several, but only one of those may or may not be a construct of my loose scientific interpretation of happy hour gossip. I hear whispers of this illness from married veterans and newly initiated engagement ring wearers alike. You guys, wedding gift etiquette is out. of con.trol. Emphasis on the troll. Because sometimes, especially when reading certain wedding boards, I am convinced that these brides and/or their guests are trolling hard. For example: please do not post to the interwebs asking the most tactful way to enforce a “no gift no entry” rule to your 3rd bridal shower. Also, don’t ask brides for the price-per-plate quote at the venue of the next wedding you’re attending so you can “write an appropriate check.” Also, don’t bring a blank check to the wedding and base your dollar amount off of whether they served surf and turf. Perhaps base it off of, oh I don’t know, the amount of joy you feel in your heart for your dear friends who just got married, divided by the reality of your bank account? If that math is too hard do: How much you love the people who just invited you (you!) to join them on the happiest day of their lives, minus ridiculous and arbitrary societal gift giving rules, plus what you feel comfortable doing. Boom, all parties are happy. And there you go – those two words, “party” and “happy” should be at the forefront of your mind, come reception time. And same goes for you, couples. I know you basically just played Hunger Games with your guest list for the last 3 months trying to eliminate as many open bar mongerers friends and relatives as your conscience can handle. I know you really really want the Dyson (trust me.) But I know you aren’t going to begrudge the childhood friend who flew in from Australia, where she’s dating an actual Australian surfer swimsuit model, whom you didn’t invite, for giving you something from the under $50 section of your registry. Or even if she didn’t get you anything at all. Because you’re happy, and madly in love, and enjoying your honeymoon, or at least the honeymoon stage of wedded bliss. Ok, cool, now that we’re all on the same page, let’s check out some more concrete wedding gift etiquette, courtesy of Shari’s Berries.
Oh, and an addendum to that make check payable thing – make it to the groom. Mr. & Mrs. don’t exist yet, because you have to recite the alphabet backwards and jump through a flaming hoop at Social Security to change your name. And she may or may not be changing her name at all. You can also make it out to cash, but writing his name makes it more secure and easier, especially if they want to quickly deposit those checks to safety before heading off on a honeymoon. Even if they’re not, it’s a fun thing for the new Mrs. to add to a Honey-Do list after completing the check list of all check lists for the last 12-18 months.
