Let me just break this down for you... In my family, I have certain people who believe that discussing how you feel is a bad thing. While I can respect that they feel this way, I feel differently, therefore I speak about how I feel. Those especially uncomfortable with it, choose not to speak to me anymore - which hurts, but holding in my truth hurts worse.
Over the past three years or so, I have tried to speak my truth in a number of "close" friendships, every one of those relationships has ended - due to the other person not liking my truth, or not liking that I felt the need to share it.
I have spent many years looking at myself, and how I can be a better person, friend, daughter, partner, professional, etc. Part of that, is making sure that when I speak my truth it is as centered on me as possible. I don't always do that perfectly - but I have to say that I feel proud of how I have spoken my truth to family and friends, whether or not they believe it, I always consider how I say things - and how it may make them feel. Sometimes, the truth still must be spoken.
When I am wrong, I say I am wrong - that is also a part of truth telling. Saying "I'm sorry" is so hard for some, it's not for me. My intention is NEVER to hurt someone, I am always sorry if that is a result. I heard a quote recently that I loved... "In order to say you are sorry, you must value the relationship more than your own ego." That is so true! All of the people who inspired this post valued their egos more than our relationships. They are hell bent on being "right" and making me "wrong" rather than looking for peace. That still breaks my heart.
I have struggled with how lonely it can feel to be a truth-teller. I question things like; did I say what I needed to say in the best way I could, have I apologized for my mistakes, is telling the truth worth it? The answers are all yes. I am in no way a perfect human being, but today - I can say that I am an honest person with pure intentions. I have no problem admitting my faults, and perhaps that's the most truthful I can be. Being honest with myself and others, is a gift that I have... many many people struggle with truth telling. At times, I wonder if it's a burden or a blessing - usually I see how much it is the latter. I refuse to waste or dishonor my gift by denying it. I will not lie anymore, and I will not worry about your response to my truth - I WILL keep telling it. Your rejection of me, and my truth, will never silence me again."I love you, and because I love you, I would rather have you hate me for telling the truth, than adore me for telling you lies."
~Pietro Aretino
