True Blood Quickie: True Blood Season 6 Episode 5 “F*ck the Pain Away” Recap

WTF?! Sookie’s (Anna Paquin) parents tried to kill her? Really Warlow (Robert Kazinsky), I don’t believe your lies!
Oh, so NOW Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) is high…and remains so (with great hilarity) throughout Episode 5
Billith (Stephen Moyer) steals Benlow thanks to maker magic
Andy (Chris Bauer) finds his fae-girls - and only one of them survives. With the help of some vamper blood, Andy is able to revive her and discover Billith’s ~~plan to save the vampires~~ evil plot
Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) and Tara (Rutina Wesley) surrender in order to break Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten) out of prison. This plan will only work if Willa (Amelia Rose Blaire) has convinced her daddy, Governor Burrell (Arliss Howard), that vampires are humans too. Oops, guess Eric didn’t get that memo…
Sarah Newlin (Anna Camp) is a typical small town, narrow minded lady-dog who just likes to meddle in the lives of others. And when she can’t convince Burrell to marry her, she moves on to Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten). When Jessica arrives on the scene, all fairy-blood high and claiming that Billith may not be god, but the devil instead, Sarah has her arrested – but not before there is a daytime television, lesbian-fuelled, bible-off
NOTE TO HBO: How can Sarah Newlin rescind Jessica’s invitation into Jason’s house?
We find out the nuts and bolts (but mainly the nuts when Warlow gets naked) of the Warlow and Lilith (Jessica Clarke) backstory – which gets a bit weird when Lilith’s face becomes Billith’s and we are reminded of the shaving scene between Jason and Ben in Episode 4
HBO are crap at making guys look hot with long-haired wigs
Alcide (Joe Manganiello) is just a small wolf trying to pee in a large pond
NOTE TO ALCIDE: don’t disown your daddy because later on (as according to the almighty laws of TV) he will be the one who finds Sam (Sam Trammell) and Emma (Chloe Noelle)
The werewolf storyline is boring
Vamp camp is really just ~~bad lesbian prison porn~~ a lab rat version of The Hunger Games, what with it’s ~~reaping~~ number system and gladiator pit and all…
Pam goes into therapy. Since she is new at having to discuss her feelings and all that crap, she should probably be forgiven for ending up in the aforementioned gladiator pit with her ex-maker after claiming she has no feelings towards him. Probably… but I will save my decision until the outcome of Episode 6
Terry (Todd Lowe) hires an old mate, Justin, to kill him
Sookie hires Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) to make contact with her dead parents and it turns out Benlow was right – her daddy, at least, was trying to kill her in order to save her from becoming a vampire-fairy hybrid. And YAY, Lafayette FINALLY gets his own storyline in Season 6!
Maybe Benlow isn’t nasty, maybe he’s just lonely since he’s the only one of his kind…
Sam is a tool, not only for being callous to Nicole (Jurnee Smollett-Bell) after she tries to phone her parents and let them know she’s alive, but for forgetting that Luna (Janina Gavankar) has only just died…
The shifter story is boring
Jason joins up with the LAVTF in an attempt to save Jessica
Lafayette gets possessed by Sookie’s dad and tries to finish off what he started all those years ago…
Billith is nearly as good at mimicking Lilith as Lafayette is at being Corbett (Sookie’s dad)
Sarah and Steve Newlin (Michael McMillian) join forces again to present the Gov. with the ultimate Hunger Games event: The Eric vs. Pam Stake Off!