Humor Magazine

Travel Accessories

By Parentalparody @parental_parody
With just 10 days until I head to the US for BlogHer, I'm starting to get a little antsy about the 15 hour long haul flight.
I love flying.
I don't mind traveling on my own.
But we're talking a 4 1/2 hour flight from Perth to Sydney, then 15 hours to LA, followed by 4 1/2hrs to Atlanta and another 2hrs to finally get me to Chicago.
Over 26 hours of flying, not counting all the airport transit time.
All done solo.  On my own.  Party of one.
I just know I'm going to get stuck sitting next to a snorer, talker, cougher and sneezer, personal space invader, farter.
And my TV screen or headphones won't work.
Such is my luck.
It's the 15 hour flight from Sydney to LA that has me the most anxious.
Entertainment issues or irritating seatmates I can deal with for 5 hours or less.  But 15 hours?
In order to try and reassure myself, I've been tooling around on Google looking for long haul travel tips or products to make the arse numbingly long flight easier.
Which is how I came across this 2010 article from the website, highlighting "the 10 most ridiculous travel products ever".
Did you know that you can actually get a fart filtering cushion?
Travel accessories
I am now going to eye with much suspicion and disgust, anyone who dares board my flights with their own floral cushion and buy one for #1Pop's Secret Santa gift.
How about a blanket and eye mask in one, that effectively serves as a cover for your entire upper body?
Travel accessories
Way to discourage the chatty, sneezy, coughing passenger next to you.
If, like me, you're prone to sporting a bit of food debris by the time you disembark, then fear not - the BeltzBib could see you stain and spill free, thanks to its 'genius' design clipping in to your harness and going all the way down your front, to your lap, where a handy pouch will catch whatever misses your mouth.
Travel accessories
On a plane full of people.
With babies and toddlers sporting less conspicuous bibs.
While these inventions are indeed....unique, I feel that there are only two fail safe ways to ensure my 15 hour Sydney to LA flight is as smooth as possible.
Alcohol or an upgrade.
While I live in hope of an upgrade to the pointy end, I expect it will be the wine that sees me through the epic journey.

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