Diaries Magazine

I'm a Survivor - Like Beyonce...but More Jeff Probst, Really

By Parentalparody @parental_parody
I'm a survivor - like Beyonce...but more Jeff Probst, really
OUTWIT...the mini-me's into doing stuff for me since they're home all day OUTPLAY...my darlings, against each other, for who wins the prize as my favourite OUTLAST...the sweet cherubs for 2 weeks of school holidays - home all day, every day Survivor bosses:
No I did not ask permission to use your logo.  My bad.
Please do not treat this as my audition for the show...unless you're going to do a parents' version to see who can possibly outwit/outplay/outlast the other parents, resisting the urge to make the bed, pick up floor-towels, make healthy snacks, or contact their children...surviving guilt-free in a luxury hotel.
Spoiler alert :
It will be me.  I will win.  Mother guilt has no power over me when up against free room service and sleep-ins.

Anyway...enough of the super entertaining intro On to the reason for my post: I just wanted to let you all know that I survived the school holidays.

Phew, right?

I do have a TEEN, you know.

And twins who hate each other and piss themselves laughing at the mere suggestion of some mythical "twin bond".

And the 2 girls are forever trying to convince each other to emancipate themselves - pushing each other to the limit of sanity and fighty-sister-ness, just hoping the other one will pack a bag and leave.

I know, I should really intervene more...but you guys...only 2 kids would mean just 1 taxi, 1 hotel room, more wine money in the budget....I feel like I could REALLY go on and on with this list, but that would make it look like I've spent far too much time musing over the pros and cons of 2 kids versus 3...

Also, my beloved boy has completely worked out that I am powerless against his charms.

He's still my main ally, but he also plays me like a champion.


So I get that you would be considering sending out the National Guard to search for my remains upon completion of 2 weeks of school holidays at home with them, given the circumstances.

Hooray / Huzzah / Jazz Hands and rainbows for the return of school....AMIRIGHT?!?!
Related - keep the celebrations down, parents, as some of us work at schools. Some of us are ever super stupider and work at schools our kids attend. THERE IS NO ESCAPE! Today I had to make fresh toasted sandwiches for the Twin Tornado, as the weather is starting to cool down. Mstr10 did a little pathetic cough to punctuate the weather situation and need for a hot lunch. Miss10 just stared me down. The teen of course put her hand out for money to buy something from the school canteen, since she is no longer in residence at our combined school/workplace.  Lest she miss out on something warm on this arctic day... The balance of power has shifted.  While #1Hubby is blissfully ignorant/unaware, I am not. I'm trying to work out if the ability to feed themselves and wipe their own bum's is worth sacrificing the all powerful aura of wonder, trust and compliance that I once had.

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