Real rednecks are never, ever this handsome
- Radio stations air commercials for local retailer Gun Hippo, an emporium for buying handguns, rifles and automatic weapons for "personal" use. Gun Hippo's website flashes a photo of a tattooed woman holding guns in each hand, wearing a bikini that barely covers her enormous breasts.
- Motorcyclists, who in no way resemble Jax from "Sons of Anarchy," don't wear helmets.
- Fish and pay lakes, recreation featuring the proverbial shooting of fish in a barrel by locals who are too fat and lazy to participate in an actual sport, are considered an acceptable form of leisure activity.
- Teeth are considered a luxury.
- Policemen, smoking cigarettes, drive the wrong way down one-way streets.
- Bad grammar is not considered ironic.
- The local newspaper's Reader's Choice survey names Dunkin' Donuts the best coffee shop in the area even though actual coffee shops, featuring locally roasted free-trade coffee beans, exist.
- Whole Foods and Trader Joe's, acknowledging the futility of introducing food items that fall under the category "healthy," wouldn't be caught dead within a 150-mile radius.
- Recycling is optional.
- People routinely ask you how much you paid for your mixed-breed rescue dog and if you'd be willing to sell him.
