Health Magazine


By Healthhungry @Healthhungry
Why do you think it is so challenging to do what is best for ourselves?  I know how incredibly amazing I felt after losing 200lbs. and becoming more athletic than ever before - yet, I went back to my old habits of self-destruction.  More recently, I did a 30 day cleanse, felt great - and then went back to eating things that are toxic and leave me feeling hopeless - especially as the scale climbed up 40lbs in the past 4 months or so.  Yep, that's how fast I gain it - even faster sometimes.
In the past two days of transitioning into this cleanse - I already feel better.  Sure the temptations arise - and will; but my body, mind, and spirit respond to "clean eating" almost immediately!  So why do you think it's so damn hard to choose it for so many people?
On the one hand, all or nothing thinking is quite dangerous, yet ~ it seems to be the solution for addictive behaviors.  For example, I quit smoking a number of times - but it wasn't until I didn't allow myself a single drag that I conquered that horrible habit.  I have not had one drag of a cigarette since March 17, 2006.  I tested "a puff here, or a puff there" a million times only to learn it led me right back to a pack a day.
When I lost 200lbs. on Weight Watchers, I slowly gave up the foods that I couldn't control.  Some of them I replaced with healthier options, but others were simply not an option.  But look what happened when I allowed some of them to come back into my life... they took over.  One trip to Taco Bell turned into years of weekly trips.  One pint of Ben and Jerry's turned into one a week.  And that, with a number of other choices, led to 180lbs. back on my aging frame.  All the while, I felt such crippling shame over my behavior and consequences(which all the world can see, unlike smoking or drinking) that I have stopped living any kind of enjoyable life. 
I am back to being consumed with the fear of being an obese woman...  will I fit in the chairs, I can't fly - what if they tell me I'm too fat, people will say mean things when I'm out in public, what if I become the mom in What's Eating Gilbert Grape?  What if I die in my sleep, what if I have a blood clot, what if I can't fit in my bathtub, what if my boyfriend leaves me, or worse - what if he stays and is disgusted by me.  What if people won't like me because I'm fat, what if this is what the rest of life will consist of???  Why can't I stop?
Some of those fears are real, some of them are just fears - but they are just a few examples of the thoughts that race through my head on any given day.  The thing that motivated me to go to Weight Watchers in 2003 is the thing that motivates me to make the drastic changes I am making today.  I don't want to die.  And for anyone who doesn't think that's my reality - check out any number of statistics.  At this point, vanity is not even the issue.  Living is.  Which is why typical Diet Plans are not what I'm into.  I need to change my life -and at 37 - I don't know if I have another chance to mess this up.  It's going to be incredibly hard to get this weight off, and harder to keep it off.  But I can tell you the BMI will have NOTHING to do with my goals.
I want to feel energized and joyful.  I want to move freely, and to enjoy spending time with people - instead of planning my weekend around food.  I want to hike, travel and take advanced yoga.  I want to get my cholesterol back down, my blood pressure down, and I want to feel good in my clothes.  I don't want to be diagnosed with type II diabetes, and I don't want to be the one in the room people feel sorry for.
I'm not sure why doing what's good for me is so hard, but it's a hell of a lot easier if I look at today.  Today, I will eat to nourish my body, move more, and find compassion for myself and others.  I'll deal with tomorrow, tommorow - and yesterday's gone.  Today is all we ever really have.

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