The past two weeks were truly agonizing for me. I won’t go into much detail, but suffice to say I had screamed and wept and groaned and punched things.
A couple of days before everything just went awry, the song “Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There Is A Season)” by The Byrds suddenly played in my mind. The lyrics were taken almost verbatim from the book of Ecclesiastes.
To everything – turn, turn, turn
There is a season – turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heavenA time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weepTo everything – turn, turn, turn
There is a season – turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heavenA time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones togetherTo everything – turn, turn, turn
There is a season – turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heavenA time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracingTo everything – turn, turn, turn
There is a season – turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heavenA time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it’s not too late!
Thinking back, I now believe that my mind was mentally preparing itself for what was to happen.
I had always thought that I was a pretty open person but this recent experience has made me realize that I only show to the world a controlled version of myself.
That or perhaps I just don’t like to dwell on issues or bother myself with worry.
It came as a total shock to me how I had reacted to the situation. I did not see that coming at all. I did not see myself breaking down and building a wall.
Not the type of wall that no one can climb though.
I still give myself props for being resilient. For springing back better and earlier than expected. For accepting that to everything there really is a season.
