Tuesday, September 24, 2013 @ 8:13 am
Good morning. Just me. I thought it MUST have been a long time since we wrote, since we're having trouble placing when that might have been. I don't think we got down anything about last week's appointments with Dr. M. and while I know we're going to think about it I have no promise I will remember everything, or for that matter ANYthing. We've been going on as we tend to do ... and so there's some catching up there too. I will have to make decisions as to how much time I give to the catching up process. It's 8:16 am now, and we'll have to leave here at 11 am, so that means shower at 10 am. The appointments are regular this week (just checked) so I'll be meeting Dr. M at 1 pm, then, let's see ... appointment done at 2 pm, lunch ... should be home by about 3:30 - 4 pm.
Rich just left for the day ... I think he's not really working, but instead taking care of personal matters. He has to take care of paperwork between him and his ex as to taking care of his old house - the one she's living in now. She seems to be having a hard time coming to grip with the fact that she has to sign paperwork to redo their mortgage, but that's as far as I even WANT to think about that. In other news ... It's time for his mother to make another switch. She's used up all her public assistance staying in the nursing home, so will be going home today. Rich has again arranged for care in her house. Starting tomorrow she'll have home health care in the morning for two hours and in the afternoon/evening for two hours. My guess is that it's not going to be enough, but it's a start. Rich is going to try not giving her money for alcohol, but from what I understand she's already testy on that. He said she hired someone to come in without even checking with him or her finances to be "hiring" someone. Rich will have to plow through those problems today. I think the worst is that she might hire someone who has already agreed to be her alcohol runner. But, again ... Rich's business so that's about where that is now. I don't offer and solutions, nor am I asked, NOR would I be a good person to ask. Surprisingly enough ... we need more order in life than what is happening there. FORTUNATELY, my mother isn't that kind of trouble, though now speaking of it, I probably owe her a call. Shoot, have to schedule that in, before I am just being rude. :(
Ok, then where have we left off with the writing? It looks like we got in our updated 9-9-13 #2 slideshow on Saturday - that was what then? Three days ago? I think we're up to the 12th entry on the 9-16-13 #1 material for the slideshows and other. Before that? Wed updated the slideshow with annotations from our regular blog, and that seems to have been done a week ago (last Tuesday). The Saturday before that there was a music video added during my Grandson's visit titled "The Mesopotamians." Gotta LOVE Grandchildren! And, then before that ... still looking for REAL writing of a blog entry, AHA there it is the 13th and 14th :). That was the 2 day entry we made talking about Dr. Moline and other, so if today is the 24th, than means EEK we haven't written for about ten days. I think we were right before, there is no way we can figure out where ALL that time went. Maybe now if I give a couple thoughts, we can at least frame in an outline? Yeah right, maybe 2-3 lines ... Shhh, no reason to be grouchy about it ... "Stuff happens!" Grrr. ENOUGH!
Hmm, the thing I want to mention first - that which has been guiding my last several days is that we met-up with an Internet Group that has been thrilling us with possibilities. It is a Multiple group by the name of "Plural Activism." It is a major thing, but we'll get back to that in a little bit, we want to continue with our scarce attempt to recall, but with that ... I believe checking my records, we were introduced to that group by the guys at Astraea on Thursday, September 19th? Yes, I think that's the date working my fingers backward ;). It might have been even the day previous ... not sure, but I believe that Andy, Jay, or one of Astraea's other parts must have picked up one of our links online. He commented about dropping a link in "Plural Activism," and then we went looking to see what that meant, and found a Yahoo group he is a part of by that name. We did communicate with the group/members, and we've been in discussion ever since, and again have been thrilled with the progress.
OK ... now we've got SOMETHING marking our time this last ten days. I'm thinking that last week was a normal Dr. M week, so earlier on that same day we met up with the guys again we had an appointment, and then Tuesday we would have also had an appointment. Lordy - what even happened there? Any clues?
I'm sure we would have talked on one or both days about somethings having to do with the work being done through "Multiple Works," and other. I believe that on Tuesday, we had Dr. M. read our LONG entry - ABBREVIATED issue on where we were with Dr. Moline. I do recall now that when we walked in on Thursday, and didn't know where we were with anything, Dr. Marvin asked if we remembered talking about Moline, but Sarah had been out and was much more interested in something else, but I'm not sure what. She was happy as normal. Again, not sure with what.
It seems like there has been some talk lately about things with Annemarie. That was something that was of interest since reading Moline, in that his writing which was negative toward Multiplicity, did remind us to think through things that had been happening with her (host). I'm afraid we are in the "normal" category of thinking as our core as someone almost on the outside of her/our life. Don't want to do that right now, but as a marker ... does anyone remember what was being said with her (about or to)? I think someone said she'd been out on the couch and didn't really want to get up when Rich was going to bed. I think during Dr. M's we thought through more on her being physically active, but only as far as enjoying the part of washing dishes.
Hmm, that's interesting ... we think we talked to Dr. Marvin last week about her presence around the house. Maybe that came up through the Moline work on Tuesday, because we had gone back in recall toward a sense we had with Dr. Marvin when he seemed honestly sympathetic to what Annemarie was dealing with in her normal family existence. We had left a note with him, that we were familiar as she was speaking, but couldn't feel the connection between how she must have felt. We do know that she's still locked into late teens, but we've been doing so much work elsewhere, that we haven't gone back to readdress that. We'll see if it comes up with Dr. Marvin. Maybe since we've been so out of date with our blogging, that we should soon take the shower, then write until we go to see him, and then write again tonight when we get back. I know there are others biting at the bit because we were more away from working on Google search slides than not. I know I know ... time crunch.
I'm not sure if this was brought up later either, but we did have someone come out to get/look at our big computer, and he - Tyler, took it with him, and he delivered it back to us and installed it in VERY good condition yesterday. This means more activity from our LR office with the double screens rather than using just the Chromebook from our recliner as we are using now. For writing this is the better position, but working with switching screens, such as the mind map, Learnist, Scoop-it and other the other is more conducive to steady work.
Hmm, that's something of yesterday too ... meaning we put together a small slideshow for the Plural Activism group updating our thoughts since a few had written in relation to what we'd left, AND also updating with pictures our processes of news gathering. More in a bit hehehe - maybe this is then just a tease? *giggle* Just trying to remember some of the other that is NOT as much on our minds. You know...
Anything more on Dr. M. for now? We are still bumbling a bit with his schedule this month and next because he's in and out for various things. This week though is normal, but we're thinking here we're repeating. I think last week we were feeling particularly close to him in that we had been going through with so much with the writing that we felt he was one of the few that was keeping up and understanding what we were doing ... ok, to be honest the only one. Somehow we've lost Linda - most likely through our business and lack of sewing interest, and we had a bad week with Rich.
To be more exact, Rich was having a bad week, and that somewhat fell on us. Basically, on Monday or Tuesday last week, one of his biggest shops decided to pull out on him, because he was too far back in owing them money. Rich acknowledges that he owes them, but in the meantime then had to switch the work over to another shop or two. That took a lot of energy, and it added to interruption time from normal business as was his mother. Last week, we were also dealing with the roof. In that news ... there was someone from the insurance agency out, but her conclusion and the closer from the roofers were out and they decided that the work didn't have to be ALL redone and that the insurance company did think there was $1300 some dollars damage on roof and siding/drains, etc. So they agreed to send a check for $800 some and we would have to pay the deductible of $500 some. This is within Rich's and our ability to pay, but it is a chunk. We're trying to see the positive in that work will happen to improve the house - more than we are paying, even though we don't get the roof replaced. AND, it is still not addressing the poor workmanship up there to replace the makeshift skylights - that somehow are going to need re- taring and that the sunroom still has leaks. I suppose if its not one thing its another.
Rich has been working with Don - the neighbor to the south to be taking care of the lawn and Rich has been trying to set aside time to do some of the trimming on the bushes now that it is fall. He is feeling better - told his friend Bob his hip is now at about 70%. A good part of the time since the shot has been without cane, so we're holding out on hope. I believe Obama care goes into start-mode next week. I hope so. There is going to be a big rush toward it and we're hoping Rich is one of the first in line. Hoping hoping...
There's that too. I think we were busy with the computer stuff on Friday and Saturday, and I think Rich had a big problem with us Saturday night. He had been fishing from like 5:30 am - until about 2:30 pm, which was fine with us. Then he had to spend time with his mother, and then he had to do some grocery shopping. All fine. BUT, he came home at one point then and started to complain about the air conditioner being on. I didn't have much to do with that ... it's on auto - so if its warmer than 72 in here it simply goes on. He was upset, though wouldn't admit later because it was in the 60's outside and why didn't we just open the door. For us ... just didn't think of it. We were busy and not being attuned to the outside world. The hard part was that when the system heard him starting to complain in an escalated voice, we returned the same, and then he got really angry and said in a BIG huff that he was leaving after he went to the bathroom and that we should put away the groceries.
Well, that wasn't like working. We had FIRMLY shut the Chromebook and just were frozen in space not understanding how things had gotten so terrible so fast. As far as we were concerned we were just going along as internally scheduled. I think part of his frustration is that he thought we should be doing more cleaning, where in our mind - there was only a 2-3 hours necessary and we would do it the following day easily before his friend and the friend's girl came over for a visit. It was later that we found out that it wasn't all on us. He had his own pressure on getting the house done, but he'd exploded from some of his own stress for not doing things with the house, and then also he had intended to make an apple pie, and then that wasn't happening either.
He came out of the bathroom, and stormed around putting away groceries, and then left, but left no further than the sunroom. We didn't see him out there exactly, but we did peek and find out he didn't take the SUV anywhere. But, we were still left with not knowing how to handle the situation. I think we were upset, but not sure now if it was older or younger parts, or just a mixture. We did go into the guest bedroom and laid down ... I don't think we shut our eyes and were still up after he came in, and after he ate, (he'd brought home fried chicken from the grocery store, and at the time we had made the mash potatoes). He had come to check on us, but just saw us in bed and assumed we were sleeping safely.
After awhile, I knew that we were sitting on the floor in the guest room rocking. And, then we went to the sunroom to rock some more after he'd gone into our bedroom, and then about 10 - considering it was still light when all this had started, but we came in about 10 pm, fixed ourselves a plate of chicken and mash potatoes, and then laid down on the couch. About then, he got up again though I think he'd been sleeping to put a couple of blankets on us after we stated we were not going with him to bed. This was the first time we'd gone that far as to being up and refusing proper sleep. Usually, he can talk us back into the bedroom, but this time we weren't having anything to do with that. He also didn't go to bed proper though - he slept on his recliner. *sigh*
By the next morning, Sunday, things were a bit stiff, but he settled into his morning Sunday show and some fishing shows, and we started the process in cleaning-up. He said he already called his friend to cancel, but just left a message. The friend was coming out for a flea market in the area, and Rich and I were back to normal before that had to be interrupted. Basically, after we'd started the wash - ONLY had TWO loads - again our house ISN'T a disaster! But, anyway, we got our coffee and sat down across from him and he paused the TV.
I think we straight-up listened to him for about an hour, with only saying a few things at the very end. He had had a lot on his mind with all the kinds of things mentioned above. He was feeling very stressed, and then abandoned by us because we weren't showing obvious movement toward getting ready for guest. He was worrying about dinner, didn't know when his friend would be coming, and was bothered by what he hadn't gotten done. Again, we mostly just listened. During the time he called his friend back and got a confirmation the friend would be here any time between 11 am and 3 pm. That gave us - to the 11 am slot 1 1/2 hours, and we knew we'd have no problem getting that done in time. We couldn't scrub the carpet like Rich had wanted, but everything was swept and vacuumed which was the hardest part for us. Again, the problem and why it even took that long is that we can only work 7-8 minutes standing/walking before we have to sit back down and rest. Usually, we can move again in 10-15 minutes.
Eh, it's a process. By the end we were VERY stiff and tired.
His friend and his girl, did come about 11 am, and we were ready and Rich was making the pie, but his friend just wanted to go out for lunch. It had thrown Rich's schedule off, but he had pulled out chips and sweeter trail mix snacks and I made more coffee which is what the friend normally drinks - though it was late in the day for Rich and us to be drinking coffee. We did end up going to a nice lunch at the train restaurant - Bull Moose (part of the restaurant is in an old Pullman train car :). They stayed for a while before lunch and I gave Linda the tour and she seemed to like the place. I know that it's only a mobile home ... feel required to say that, but it is a 2000 sf place and usually surprises people because it is in all reality 9 nice size rooms, plus 2 1/2 car garage. Rich and us are very proud of it, especially me after having lived in a 5 room apartment for 12 years. WooHOOO!!!
Sorry, it's just that it's still new. We've only been here now for 6 months.
I might have had a few slip-ups with the friends, but in general we were ok. Rich talks to Bob almost every day, but we haven't been in touch with him AND Linda since the first of the year BEFORE moving. I had two drinks AND I was the only one of four to drink anything. Probably as likely as not then it would be expected and accomplished that we came home and slept for a bit. Rich watched games, and then later we watched football with him, and of course he got his massages - and there we went into overtime :)
Enough of that. It was a day though away from the computer which was probably good for us. Yesterday we got a little more caught-up and corresponded with the Plural Activism Group. AND that pretty much gets you caught up. I suppose I should think a moment if there was anything else going on during or between sessions that really could/should be remembered/recalled.
Hmm, did a refresher break ... the only thing that came up in our mind while "stepped-out" was that we met our new neighbor yesterday evening. You know we don't go outside much, but we were out for a couple of minutes getting the phone, mail and coffee cup that Rich had forgotten outside. He had just came home (right before dinner), and he was rushing to the bathroom and had forgotten the above. For some reason we were fully dressed, go figure? And, we didn't mind doing him a favor. Heaven knows he helps us enough!
By the time we opened the SUV door, we heard, "HI ANN!!" We looked up and it was Joe the neighbor to the north about to get into their SUV that his wife was driving. We yelled back, "HI JOE!!" And, then there was a little back and forth - more toward the idea of being strangers of late, then we asked, "Hey, have you met the new neighbor yet?" I think we explained this before, but not only were we REALLY just new neighbors, but the place NW of Joe - kitty corner from us was new people and this last couple of weeks the place directly west of us got a new owner. To the east of us is just this big only corn/soybean field ... Yup yup ... living rural.
Joe had said no, he hadn't met anyone yet, but that they were probably nicer than us. We just laughed. Then we got the stuff from the driver's side as Joe tucked himself in his SUV. Then we went over to the other side to get the mail, and there sure enough was the new neighbor trimming something. We exclaimed happily, - "HEY WE GET TO MEET THE NEW NEIGHBOR!!!"
He was a young retiree named Jerry, we of course asked if he was married. Ok, you know we ARE a woman!! Wanted to know if we were getting a new girlfriend. He said no though. We might have looked disappointed. We did ask him if he met Rich and explained that we'd been together for 19 years, but were not married. Thought it is always good to let new people know that we weren't going to be "after anyone" AND, were happily taken EVEN though not married. He really looked like a nice friendly guy. We caught up with a few general queries. He's single, mostly retired, but helps a friend bring in the corn. He's from the general area and we found he has no animals, and has plenty of time before he moves in officially. He said he needed to be out of his old place by the end of the year leaving himself - like 3 1/2 months PSHWOO! We also figured out he was probably much more the handyman AND gardener then either Rich or us and that he was already working on the house. He said though he'd be working five days - not SEVEN days like the farmer, to be bringing in the crops. He said that it looked like people were starting to do that by Wednesday or Thursday, So we figure we're going to see a flurry of activity around here! But, maybe not too much of our neighbor moving in.
He really seems to be a great guy, AND good looking hehehe. He's in good shape AND seems to really know his business. He did make comment on us having a nice property overlooking the field across the street - where he's kinda behind our house. We also know because we're just handy at that kind of thing - know that he paid $20,000 less than us, but his place is only like a five room house instead of nine, so we're figuring we got the better deal at $52,000. AND it's PAID OFF! We're thinking Don still has a mortgage, but pretty sure Joe and now Jerry have paid off their houses. There's a younger couple with a baby and dog in the new kitty-corner house, but other than that ... we're all in our 50's/60's. YAY!! Oh yeah ... we know the space/rooms next door because we'd been watching both the new houses online before they sold. I think the young peoples' place sold for like $18,900. I think of the 32-36 mobile homes in this park, we really have one of the nicest ... though we know there are some newer.
It be really fun hosting a party and inviting the five properties, OR 9 people PLUS maybe an infant just to make things lively. I think 9 people are about our max, but if we were going to do it, we'd want to do it before it got too cold so we could be be using the sunroom as a place for conversation while people were here. I'm guessing of the five places, we have most likely the biggest, though both Don and Joe, also have double wide homes. Just be a fun thing to do. Just wish we were better at that kind of thing. We'd have to plan that Jerry might bring a friend, AND we've only had 9 at the table before, but maybe with a change-up of chairs we could get a tenth if needed at the table. It be a tight fit. We'd have to get a day that work for everyone to run the best options. It's just that Rich and us don't usually do parties. We've gotten a little better since we've been out here, with at least the kids, but it still be a big deal. Thinking now ... we did it before maybe with a couple of the kids at the pass through. Wish we had a little bigger table. Plus, that would be a lot of cooking for Rich and have to be done no sooner than a month away ... both Rich and us have other things going on the second weekend of the month.
YAYY!!! By then we could even be using the fireplace!!! WooHOO!!! Been some talk of that lately too. Rich wanted to check it out before using and we're like ... Hey babe ... using a lap blanket in our morning "sittings" in the sitting room (fireplace a pass through too from sitting room to eating area.) We just think its HIGHLY romantic. EVEN when we had the five fireplaces in our Victorian home, NONE of them worked, because they were all coal and hadn't been used most likely for decades. SO, still a big deal because it's the first WORKING fireplaces we ever lived with :)
Hmm, looking at the clock and thinking we better get in the shower soon. It's just past 10 am. Should do the kitty litter and make sure the dishwasher is started too. OK OK ... we're going, maybe will have then a FEW moments to START a conversation on what's happening on the computers between the new group Plural Activism and our general work on "Multiplicity." NOTE - CAPITAL "M". We hadn't thought of it too much before, but it seems appropriate especially with this new group. New habits are kinda cool too!
BRB.
Ahh back! It's closer to 10:30 am now. We're showered, dressed, dishwasher started, rooms picked-up, litter and garbage out, and ??? Anything else? Hmm, Don't think so, except we got the start of our bag packed. That is if we take our computer and bag ... should have had the Chromebook plugged in ... Shoot. It's got about 1 1/2 hours which is plenty ... just rather always take it out on a full charge. We'll get a half hour in though and that should help.
SOOO, I guess we should talk about the computer stuff some. As to the main project, we're back up again - with the updated computer back. He said the main board is great and so we shouldn't have too much problem with it. We're still getting a white screen on the right monitor. He thinks its something to do with the outlet in that electricity is still going through to light up the board whether it is on or not. Rich made sure there was enough in our account to pay the fix-it fee so all that was good. He was going to hold the check until this morning ... so it's all set. The main thing about doing our work on the big screen is ease of moving accounts around and that the double screen - actually two BIG screens is more than 6 times what I am seeing on the little screen.
Just had to kick off Missy and I don't think she's getting it. She will lay on the arm, but rests her front paws and chin over my arm. She just went from the right to the left, but isn't understanding it's still heavy to type with her laying on my arm. Better now my left ... I don't want to upset her ... just it isn't ideal an now when my left arm goes like the right did ... she's REALLY off ... yes, we are being firm here! I know like a jellyfish.
I think they are smart enough to know when we're leaving soon. Now she wants to sneeky crawl onto my stomach, but we're not buying it. Hmm, head seems to be tipped around here still trying to see the screen. DRAT CATS! Can't live with them, can't live without them! It's been 15 years of trying though!
The biggest thing now with the computer is that we're almost up to date - at least through Saturday night with the updating of Pinterest and Scoop-it. That means we've found pictures and run them through Bitly too. We've finished writing the 12th comment on the Learnist board and I believe too the 12 items are on the mind map and the Word Processor. But, that is where we ran short. Sunday was about guests, and after we got our act together yesterday we worked on the slideshow for the new group. The slideshow on Ann's annotations, is up to date and the "Multiple Works" is up to the week of the 16th, Slide set #1. I still might have to break it in two ... this is the one that's up to 12 entries now. There are 61 entries to do and possible 7-12 more through Sunday. So that would make about two slideshows up to about 35 each. Maybe we should then work on that as a goal ... with the goal to finish the first set of 35 today, and the second set tomorrow, so we can be getting back to other work.
Is that all possible? Today is broken up with Dr. Marvin, so it would stand to reason tomorrow we could do more. It would mean basically, two dozen done yet today and another 3 dozen tomorrow. I suppose it's possible, but we'd have to be real sharp. Chances are it might not get finished optimistically until late Thursday after the second appointment. I think Rich is going to be pretty much tied up with his loan paperwork and his mother today. So that shouldn't be much a problem. It might, however, compete with the blogging if something specifically happens with Dr. Marvin today.
One of the things one of the guys did for us already with the new group is to rephrase in our mind that the therapy we do with Dr. Marvin. He is right, therapy is more like catching up with the week than therapy "because we're a multiple." That works as long as you can consider that we're still going through an abuse history, but then that doesn't have to be "because we're a multiple," it's more that we're a human being with issues. Normally, we think of ourselves as doing things BECAUSE of the multiplicity. Stands to reason we've got a lot more to do with these issues.
The new group - Plural Activism promises to be good - not because they or we say it, but because of it's subject matter and the people feel trustworthy. I really do believe that we do activism, though we are more likely to have considered it advocacy. I like that activism seems more driven then just sitting back ready to help. I really believe that is a strong point in our work with getting out on the news about multiplicity. I want it to be a conversation that can be held with as many people as interested. Ideally, if the group was to help me, they would assist by making comments that on Learnist that alongside my comments could be published through the slide process. I don't know, but would hope then that they could make use of the slides too to support their Internet strongholds.
I went back today to look more at some of their links. Some are a bit old and in need of updating, but they've been working as a team so it might be more complicated than doing it individually. BUT, because they are a team, they stand stronger.
I would really like to be included and I've talked to three sets of people now, I believe. Two are Multiple and one is the widow of a multiple. They seem to be working on planning which includes their visual presentation, writing out purpose statements, and putting together some helpful videos. One had thought about doing something as to commenting at PsychForum, and in general through conversation they were ironing out points of interest to the group. Unfortunately, I feel we've been a bull through a china shop. I'm not sure if we've upset a lot or a little. It seems easier for the guys than the gals to handle ripples, but I'm pretty sure it is a strong group of women too. I think I mentioned before that Astraea put in a good word for us, and other comments have come back positively. We need to sit back and wait a bit to see what happens after we've commented. We don't know enough of the group to do more than hope that our input be well-received. It really does seem though that I'm somewhat accepted, but that it takes years and years to go through all the processes. I really hope it works out. I believe strongly that the world needs a strong "Multiple Group/community" being able to stand on their own two productive feet to reckon with some of the mishmash out there on Multiplicity. I'm in. :)
Ok, better get going for now ... Gotta do the 120 miles YEEKS and Caboodle ... it's a big driving day!
Back again and we've rested a little bit. It's now 4:51 pm. I guess we got home about an hour ago. We went over to the new site at Plural Activism. There was a short note one of the ladies had written and it had a small section addressed to us. So we responded, AND we gave Tracee a picture of our small civil war quilt we made our DIL Cari last winter. It didn't have too much shade/shadow in it. I thought it was a good picture of a nice quilt :) Tracee says she does art like drawing, sculpting and painting. I can hardly wait to see stuff back. I hope she posts.
I don't think we've said too much about the group yet, and I'll want to preserve their privacy too, but we felt very accepted there, though I think it will take a while that we're all on the same page. Just needs some honest to goodness figurin. They stand on a united platform, and we'll want to learn how close we come to their beliefs, so hopefully can work together. I think we told you already, that we told them about the news works we're doing with the slides, etc. We showed them on a slideshow so they could see how easy they are to put together. There were some words in the slideshow, but most of the pages were pictures of the different steps we take in this section of the task. It was a fun release of energy thing to do. Man o man does our system like to play! Yup yup ... another specialty! I think I'm going to look at that one more time before we continue. Not the words though ... that part isn't as exciting to me - maybe others, but I LIKE THE PICTURES!
Wednesday, September 25, 2013 @ 10:39 am
Hi hi ... just want to do a little more to catch-up with yesterday's thoughts before we get into the regular work with Multiple Works.
As you know, yesterday, was a Dr. Marvin day. It went pretty good, but not one of my favorite sessions. We told him at the end that there wasn't much fun stuff ... and he guessed too, we didn't have much time to talk about the computer work. BLAH! We reviewed once yesterday how the time was split, but I think we have to try that again now. The first fifteen minutes was about the new group, then 20 minutes on Rich and our problem Saturday night. Then we spent another ten minutes on Rich's Mom's problems/as affecting Rich and us, and then we spent ten minutes talking about the quilting group/next event. There was five minutes random stuff like Dr. Marvin says there's a new procedure for checking in. BLAH! Don't like having to stand in line to tell a receptionist we're here. We usually just walk in and wait by his door. We'll have to discuss that more tomorrow, because we've got parts DEFINITELY upset about having to say real words to ANYONE.
You pretty much know where were at with the Multiple Group. We did write another note yesterday and one more this morning to Tracee. I really like her and hers. Already we see similarities. We liked a lot her note for us and how informative it was ... it makes getting to know someone new that much easier. Not sure if the guys do as much "chatting" ;) The group now lists 60 people, but I'm not sure how many are actively participating. Seems so far, like a small group is working together. Today, I noticed they came out with the new video we'd mentioned yesterday, so we'll take a look/listen to that when we get to our big computer today.
Dr. Marvin was very interested in us having found a new group AND, was appreciative that there was some history with Jay/Andy. I think that he thinks most the moves that happen from week to week are progressive. He feels our excitement and seems to double it. I also think that when we are being more of a social person - tuned in to others, that that turns out to be a good thing too. He was interested in the group's nature (business) and he understood right away the connection between what effort we'd put forth ten years ago knowing the guys (Jay, Andy and theirs), but this time it feels different. I feel more accepted and I think part of that is their allowance in letting us be a part of them even though we're coming in from the medical model. I think they know that I represent others out there coming from the same place. I don't know if they really know or appreciate how coming straight from excellent care has affected our strength and ability, but I think they do see that about me and I'm hoping they are thinking that I'll be a great addition to their group. Feeling pretty good about it so far :)
You know about the complications with Rich from Saturday. Dr. Marvin and us went through again some of the situation as to what happened and what we felt like because of it. We're worrying that Rich doesn't seem to understand how angry and how quickly he gets, or is happening. I see similarities of him and his ex yelling, and ALLLLLL the yelling that his mother does, so he doesn't think of it as much different than normal. Yesterday, we talked a bit more about how his raising voice/temper is threatening to some parts of our system. I think we were regressed for about four hours where are younger parts couldn't get to us or have any support. They were triggered and we were going in and out of having grown up and hiding. Dr. Marvin said that we were hyper-alert after having described a bit of our experience. I can't think that would be a good thing. Everything was ok between Rich and us the last several days, but the trust between us on a safety for parts part is being chipped away. Like we trust him with our life, but we don't really trust him when he's upset, and he seems to be getting upset too frequently. I know he's under a lot of pressure and we try to work through it, but as to life circumstance, even though we live and love in the same house, our lives are different.
Basically, what we were doing on Sunday morning when we listened for so long and then after about 50 minutes - interjected the last ten minutes or so. We were asking him "What are you doing for fun around the house?" Basically, he's going from one task to another feeling a lot of pressure and very little relief. He's talking about the pain he is in even when fishing so that isn't as much a positive as before. He's also not doing the ball games (officiating), so he's not getting to go stand out on the baseball or football field. Or, for that matter the basketball court. He doesn't really like doing things around the house yet, so when he comes home his only real relief is watching TV, eating, talking to me (sometimes), or getting a lot of massages from us. He kept diverting the attention to other things that were problematic. When we asked him, he confirmed that he is somewhat jealous of us too, because we are at a stage of having a really good life. We have him, the house, our family, the multiple community, our writing, our quilting ... and even some honest domestic Goddess work. We're really having the time of our life.
On the other hand, he is not. He's eight years older than us, still working, having to take care of his mother daily, we're probably adding some pressure too, his fishing isn't going well, no more sports, he's got chronic pain, and he gets overwhelmed easily by the things he's responsible for. I still think that it would be better if he wasn't paying $3000 alimony, but that's not going to happen. On his taxes last year she made a really nice profit on him, and he was like lost $6000 for the year although much more money is going around out there with his business. If he's $20,000 short on his customer, then he must have used that $20,000 on his and our life. We are bringing in $17,400 through our resources, and Rich and I don't have very much debt - just his business debt, but still it is a lot of pressure on him. He goes out during the day and does so much stuff, and when he leaves and comes back we're still on one of the two computers.
He isn't understanding much of the work we're doing. He's got a lot of negative thinking ... most things are seen to him like problems, but we don't look at life so harshly. We've set up an ideal situation in that we're comfortable and productive, just he isn't yet. He knows we're working on issues of Multiplicity and is familiar with things like we have blogs, sites, slides now, and interests on Twitter and Facebook. I don't think he has a real idea of what or how Pinterest or Twitter plays in our life. He's just got so much tolerance, and we know not to push him further. He knows that we found a new group, but sends out all kinds of caution noise. He might not appreciate that we can certainly take care of ourselves. He sees the part of us that is vulnerable. You've heard our complaints about his housekeeping priorities rather then the mentally strong stuff we're working through and is feeding our passions.
I suppose that's enough for now ... Nobody works as hard as Rich, just wish he could feel strong about our drives. We're patient though and we know whether or not he believes in us - well he does believe in us, but doesn't really know that part of us at all. Well, the point is that we believe in us and I know that Dr. Marvin believes in us. That's the kind of feeling that we go through like yesterday with him. Like we can say we're not really happy about the session because it wasn't as much fun, and he knows exactly why ... he knows that we save as our "happy space" talk about our excitement for working in the Multiple field - to our hearts desire. We told him THAT'S what we're talking about on THURSDAY!!! He smiled and said, as you wish. He's sometimes a little silly for a doctor!
You've heard of problems with Rich's Mom all along ... he brought her home from the nursing home yesterday and he has been over there this morning. She says that because he's not giving her money to buy booze (fall down drunk kind), then she's back to not eating, taking her medicine, or getting out of bed. I think Rich is doing ok there. If she could stop or control the drinking, but she cannot. As soon as she starts, she pours and pours. It eventually knocks her out, but then she's getting up at 1 and 3 am, to pour herself more. It's just a terrible cycle. She'll put more and more pressure on him, hoping that he'll change his mind and "negotiate," but we've gone through this over and over ... she just can't stop at one or two. She goes through a very large bottle once a week.
I think Rich's thoughts are that now she has run out of benefits as to being able to stay through Medicare at the nursing home, so the next step is that if she figures out how to get another bottle and continues to drink irresponsibly that the state will step in and control the situation. She's just not safe in so many ways ... like this hunger strike when she's already "frail" Whatever money is left will have to go to pay for the next hospital/nursing home stint until she runs out of money and receives Medicaid. If Rich can't work with her, the state isn't going to allow her to stay at home on a constant drunk. They will have no option, but to take responsibility over. As much as Rich hates this idea and will work toward helping her as long as he can, she's just no value to herself. I was hoping she'd last more than 24 hours without another drug/hunger strike, because she said she WANTED to go home, just this is going to be another hard week for Rich.
The last section with Dr. Marvin was in and around the women we quilt with. That is not going well. We will pull ourselves back to a safety point, but are going through the feelings of sadness, frustration, and anger too. I think for us as a system where we are at now is toward a general distrust, pulling back, and feeling a need to withdraw. It's gone from bad to worse and we don't see it as ending well. One of the problems is that we have such strong sets of need to be within our work with the Multiple World, that we can't seem to find the interest of doing less. I think as a system we're making choices where to spend our time and attention. We've put ourselves in a position of working toward a cause and that is not of interest to our general friendships. Dr. Marvin told us that it is unusual to find people that understand our situation and that most often people work on common denominates. Right now we have little interest in sewing, though we haven't given it up. It is our go-to space. We want to preserve that in our mind as something that will always be ours and we can step-back-in as desired with or without people. I think the boundaries are being protectively re-measured. I don't think most people think of themselves as being hurtful or dangerous, but even when attempts are made to read us ... we don't feel any reciprocate thoughts of understanding, or feelings of trust. Our world in general is just different than most ... and that is the part that we have to deal with.
Shoot that is kind of a sad ending. It's pretty much where we were at yesterday with Dr. Marvin. It's why he got dinged with the "this isn't any fun part." The work is challenging to us ... not so happy to be around 3D people. I know that kind of presents sort of a paranoid circumstance. We started to discuss that with Dr. Marvin too. However, we could give the experiences that matched our thoughts. There's no solution here ... just a point of travel.
We stopped at BK before leaving the city ... we got one BK free for the price of one so shared the second burger with Rich for dinner. We took a bit of a nap last night and again this morning. I think at this point though ... I'd rather be working on the other material. I need some positives in my/our life. Learning and discovering have always given us those feelings in the past. Just want to be able to use our minds IN a productive manner. We've got so much to do ... so happy that there are others doing the same thing.
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Oh yeah ... not sure about Isa yet spending the night, but Sunday Rich and us get to go to the apple orchard with Maury, Nikki and the four Granddaughters. Have to end with lots of smiles. We soak up positiveness like a sponge.
