No new textbooks, no new courses. Just confusion, doubt, insecurities, and maybe I shouldn’t do uni. It is also HSC trial week for her.
The high of the last 2-3 weeks is gone, replaced be the low of depression, better off dead than choosing the wrong career mindset.
I am not surprised. The high of the science degree had to fall. History is showing that she gets a high, rides it for a while with a new idea, then plumments. It is finding the key to getting her to listen in what state she is in. She doesn’t fit Bipolar criteria but the highs and lows do feature in her character.
She doesn’t have to go to uni, no one does straight away after school. There are so many paths to careers that the tension and expectation placed on the HSC is not needed. Unis and university agencies push the market to get students in. It’s all about bums on seats and government funding. Taking time after school to think things through is a good idea. Far too many student race into degrees they find they don’t like or want, so chop and change degrees (bigger HECS debt) or just drop out.
Eating disorders change the field you were playing in. What you wanted to do or be can radically change, whether as a direct result of the eating disorder or through the therapy given. Recovery is a mix of being the person you were and a newly birthed person. You also have to take into account how you are going to manage away from your usual support routine and team. You can’t ignore this. No plans means a very real possibility of relapse. Even with plans it is going to be hard.
Sophie hasn’t even thought of how to cope with part-time or full-time uni, away from home and how to sustain her health. She just wants to ignore her past and pretend she can just ‘do it’. It doesn’t work like that. Like it or not the eating disorder goes with her and she has to learn to live with that and make exceptions, compromises or whatever is needed to protect herself.
Today is psychiatrist day and counseling next week. Hoping both may help sustain her a bit.
