I have said before how much I value and trust my daughter’s psychiatrist. She is true gold. Thursday night in light of my son’s breakdown, it came to me that instead of going to the GP, getting referral, seeing some totally new psychologist, why not try our psychiatrist. She doesn’t need to be told the story, she knows. She understands asperger’s. She is already on the same page with our whole family.
So sent an email late Thursday, got a reply first thing Friday. Appointment for 2pm that day, don’t worry about referral, we can fix that up later. I mean WOW! To have that concern and total commitment from a medical professional to my family meant so much. It also brought home to me just how much God continues to work behind the scenes in my family’s life. My son may not have been in a place to discuss his feelings until now, but God certainly moved things instantly forward.
So the outcome. He has severe depression and anxiety. Brought on slowly and progressively from a dysfunctional family unit, anger and disinterest from his father, his brother moving away, a sister very sick with anorexia and him being the youngest, taking it all on. Layer upon layer and pretending he was coping, when he was really falling apart.
We now have 3 separate areas for all our medication – heaven forbid we get it mixed up. Three of us on anti-depressants, three of us learning to communicate and put the past behind us and move forward. The most heart warming thing my son said was he too feels safe here. That the new environment is where he wants to be. It is good too that he called out for help before it got worse, or developed into something else. He and us can all start to move forward from this point. I missed the depth of his distress and depression, but then you can only help someone when they want to be helped. Now is his time.
As a mom having both my younger two on anti-depressants from the same source of pain is pretty tough and both seeing a psychiatrist on a monthly basis. They are so young to be medicated – both of them starting it at 16. This was not my dream when I had children. This is not where I wanted any of us to be. It does make me wonder if I had left instead of staying would the outcome be as tough as the last few years have been. But you cannot measure that (and I have to let it go otherwise I would go insane from the pain). There would certainly have been problems and other issues arise. Not worse or better just different. Besides that, watching God work through our lives in the last several years, quietly and consistently, has been what has saved us and carried us forward. As much as this hurts at the moment and makes me soul search, I do know that He has his hand strongly on my children (all 3).
At least we are all part of the same team for healing. Same level of care for each. My hope is that we will all come through this, stronger, deeper and wiser. We are all now healing together.
