Thinking Positive and Including Grooms!

Do you think the wed­ding industry’s sexist?

I kind of under­stand where the phrase “bridal indus­try” comes from: brides are often more involved in wed­ding plan­ning, espe­cially in arrang­ing all the finer details and decor. Many grooms aren’t inter­ested in the flow­ers and favours — which is fine! If you’ve made the deci­sion as a cou­ple that those jobs are for girls, then great!

How­ever, if you head to your florist together for a chat about wed­ding flow­ers, and the florist ignores you and talks to your fiancee instead… or worse, assumes you’re only there because it’s your wal­let — then that’s just wrong!

And you wouldn’t be the first to find your­self in that sit­u­a­tion either.

Most wed­dings involve at least one groom!

Let’s not for­get that grooms start off the whole process by get­ting down on one knee and ask­ing, “will you marry me?”. And I’ve heard from so many grooms who love being involved in the search for a venue, a pho­tog­ra­pher, and in choos­ing sta­tionery, cakes and flow­ers. I love that so many of my cal­lig­ra­phy orders come from grooms! So why do I get the feel­ing that so many other wed­ding sup­pli­ers just assume they’ll be deal­ing with brides, and only brides?

I do get the impres­sion that sup­pli­ers are ignor­ing grooms. Espe­cially when I read about “the bridal indus­try”… I wish we could start from the assump­tion that cou­ples are plan­ning wed­dings together. But it’s not nec­es­sar­ily sup­pli­ers’ fault — because of the way the wed­ding indus­try is these days, it’s easy to for­get there are men involved too. It’s become habit to talk to brides about “their day”.

Your day, your way…

One of the most pop­u­lar phrases I hear — on forums, on blogs, in wed­ding mag­a­zines. But who is the “you” in that sen­tence? I don’t think it’s the groom

And wed­dings are just as impor­tant to men

Think for­ward to walk­ing down the aisle or wait­ing at the altar for your bride. One of the most sig­nif­i­cant moments in your life — and a ner­vous, excit­ing and emo­tional day. I see plenty of grooms with tears in their eyes, proof that wed­dings actu­ally mean a hell of a lot to us all.

So maybe grooms just don’t care about the fluff?

You know what I mean… the lace and pearls, the wish­ing trees and invi­ta­tion word­ings. Some aren’t inter­ested, it’s true. Then again, some brides aren’t too both­ered about all the frilly bits either.

My sus­pi­cion though, is that grooms are shunned by the wed­ding indus­try. Not in a nasty way, just from habit — a chicken and egg sit­u­a­tion. Brides read mag­a­zines, are swamped in infor­ma­tion (which mainly comes in pink) and given advice on every­thing from lin­gerie to canapes. Grooms… well grooms aren’t. And because the industry’s focus is on brides, sup­pli­ers for­get about grooms.

Grooms: get aware, and get involved!

I’d love to hear more about grooms being involved in wed­ding plan­ning. I love hear­ing wed­ding sto­ries from grooms — in last week’s Cam­bridge wed­ding Sam and Amanda both shared their wed­ding report with Eng­lish Wed­ding Blog.

The (ick) “bridal indus­try” is respon­si­ble for bud­gets spi­ralling out of con­trol, and for pres­sure to acces­sorise every wed­ding with more frills and fluff than Marie Antoinette’s boudoir.

Grooms — don’t let sup­pli­ers put you in the back seat. If a wed­ding sup­plier directs all their talk to your bride-to-be, walk away. They shouldn’t dic­tate what you need for your wed­ding — it should be a joint deci­sion from you and your bride.

Photo credit Chris Han­ley Pho­tog­ra­phy. Click to see Sam and Amanda’s Cam­bridge wed­ding on the blog

The best thing about wed­ding blogs is we’re all about the real wed­dings. The bit we get to see is the bit where the groom always plays a big part. The frilly bits come way down the list — and the love in his eyes, the ring on his fin­ger and the tri­umphant smile is what it’s all about in the end.