Relapse is not a failure point. It is not a weak point.
It is not the fault of parent/carer or sufferer.
Relapse is very much a normal part of having and recovering from an eating disorder.
From the outset eating disorders are not like any other illness. There is no definite point of recovery. There is no magic medication or treatment plan. There is no knowing how the illness changes or affects your loved one. No straight path back to health. That is the first point that must be clear to all. The second point is that the huge majority of sufferers will relapse. Third point, the relapses will get longer apart and not as deep. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Because of it’s nature and the way the illness works in the mind there are many ups, downs and u-turns in recovery. Relapse is normal and a part of this. How strong the relapse and how many times relapse happens is just part of the unique journey to recovery. It cannot be predicted.
Re-entering a treatment center or hospital again, is not a failure point either. If that is what it takes to keep your loved one safe, then that is what happens. It is not a bad thing or a shameful thing to go back into treatment. It is about keeping them safe until they are ready to have another go at recovery.
The brain for sufferers doesn’t begin to even breathe or start to function until correct BMI weight is gained. The longer correct weight is maintained, the more the brain will improve and the separation from the eating disorder can occur. It is a 6 month minimum of correct weight to achieve the beginnings of this. You need at least a year of correct stable weight to really start the forward progress of recovery of both mind and body. These 6-12 months means that no relapse happens in between either, otherwise you extend the period of time needed to repair. So you can see how difficult and long the process is just to begin to repair brain and body.
All parents/carers stay on tenter hooks during this time. One day at a time towards victory. There are many down turns and then picking up the pace again. As long as the down turns are not viewed as defeat. It is part of the essential lessons and learning of how to learn to push away the eating disorder. It is learning why it is your ‘safe zone’ and what things trigger the need for the safe zone. It is essential these points are learned, and often relapse is the only way to learn them.
The reason for this almost repeat post of some time ago, is the parents I have met who are terrified or shamed that their son or daughter can’t get well. That they should be further along and not relapsing, or worse looking like they may need in-patient treatment again. It is what it is in the end and you can’t fight against it or change it. Accepting the path recovery takes, means the less emotional baggage you carry.
