I have been a Star Trek fan since I was young and watched Star Trek: The Next Generation faithfully every week with my father. Since then, I've continued to enjoy the subsequent shows and movies that have emerged, and have thoroughly enjoyed the resurgence that began with Star Trek: Discovery. The vision of Gene Roddenberry has been groundbreaking from the beginning as it tackled social problems in creative and insightful ways. The newer shows continue that legacy. Within this universe, I'm intrigued by an order of Romulan warrior nuns, the Qowat Milat. There's is the way of absolute candor. They believe in the total communication of emotion without filter between thought and word. This often causes discomfort on the part of others, but ensures their adherence to their values and beliefs.
It may be asking a lot to insist on absolute candor, but a greater degree of candor can be a powerful tool, and it serves as our third pillar of integrity. We spend a great deal of time and energy withholding our thoughts, desires, judgments, and opinions. We are socialized to believe that many things are better left unsaid because others are not ready for or capable of hearing what we have to say. We censor ourselves, and at the same, eliminate the opportunity for others to moderate their own emotions. This process strips us of a large part of what makes us human in the first place.
When we take a leap of faith, as it were, and fully reveal our emotions in all of their imperfect perfection, we often feel more alive and energized than we previously did. We know this to be the case, as evidenced by the phrase "get it off your chest" and yet we resist. We assign value to our emotions and describe them as "good" or "bad", but they are neither. Notions of good and bad are human inventions that are culturally defined and change over time. As a result, we hold back based on illogical assumptions about the nature of what we wish to share and how others will receive it.
We can't control how others will respond to our emotions. For as much as we worry about it and censor ourselves before we even give others a chance to react, it is out of our hands. When we do open up with a greater degree of candor, it can empower others. We are sharing with them that we trust them enough to make a choice about how to respond to what we've given them. It also encourages them to express themselves with more candor, and our relationships are ultimately strengthened.
So, the next time you find yourself thinking and/or feeling something and pushing it back down inside yourself, take a pause and consider sharing it. This isn't a license to be an asshole, but it is an invitation to demonstrate trust in another person and declare your wish to form a stronger relationship with them. You may not be choosing to bind your sword to a singular cause, as a Qowat Milat sister has the option to do, but your candor in speaking can serve as just as large of a gesture.
