Dating Magazine

The Tree Chopping Strategy

By Tobehitch

Can you hear the lumberjack endlessly hacking away at a stubborn tree, desperately hoping that the hours and hours and hours of labor he puts into trying to bring the tree down will finally pay off? Sometimes, the determination works. Most of the times, he has no other option except to give up on the tree, and leaves a tired, depressed and jaded man.

This is the essence of the Tree Chopping Strategy. The Tree Chopping Strategy is when a guy (diligent and hopeful), finds a girl (stubborn and unyielding) and starts chopping away at her while hoping, praying, wishing that one day she will “fall” deeply in love with him. For all the friends watching this happen, it is one of the most painful experiences that you will ever see. It just boggles your mind how a person could be so devoted to a singular cause. It’s actually kind of gross, and a little bit on the creeper side. Suddenly, there are random pictures of the girl laying around that you never knew he had. Inevitably, every time you walk by the guy’s computer, her facebook profile is up.


There’s this weird twisted idea that if guys pursue someone that they like diligently enough, eventually that girl will collapse under the bombardment of his “love”. I’m not really sure where this idea became popular, or why anyone would even choose to go this route. It hardly seems worthwhile, and honestly, the only way I see it working is if two people are getting on the “older” side. I mean, when you’re thirty and not married, reality tends to hit you pretty hard, and whatever “pickyness” you once had evaporates pretty quickly. Shoot, when I’m thirty and single, I may even start dipping into the people my mom tries to hook me up with. Four years older than me isn’t that bad….



When you get two young people, this strategy just seems completely backwards. If the girl doesn’t like you, then the girl doesn’t like you, and the ladder theory is definitely applicable here. Trying to slowly convince her that she should like you seems so retarded, especially because even if she ends up liking you, there is definitely going to be some sense of “I settled”. She’s going to concede, but that’s not a real victory man! I don’t want a girl to concede to me. I want a girl to like me close to how much I like her. I don’t want it to be a lopsided affair. In my opinion, that’s a horrible way to begin a real relationship. The regret birds will come chirping later, and either divorce or constant “I should have married Bill, he’s a doctor now” will become a daily reality.

Okay, I’m not necessarily completely against settling. My post on why it’s not realistic to be too idealistic in looking for a significant other still holds true. And I do think that we all need to meet each other on a humanistic level. None of us are perfect! Damn, as much as I want to marry Bar Refaeli, Leonardo wins. But this is a whole ‘nother level of settling. This is basically conceding to an obsession. When you say yes to a guy who’s been chopping away at you (fruitlessly) until now, you basically affirm his obsession. Which, honestly, means that you will probably never like the guy as much as he likes you. I don’t know, maybe some girls think this is a good thing. In my opinion, it’s basically like tying a chain and ball to a relationship you’re never going to be satisfied with. And in the back of your mind, you will always think it.

So this is the bottom line.

Guys. Stop chopping pointlessly away at a tree that’s not going to fall. Unless you suddenly inherit a large sum of money (win the lottery) there is no hope! Honestly, if you do win a large sum of money, your chances of having the girl “settle” drastically increased. It’s soooo sad that this is true! I’ve met more than one girl in my lifetime who has straight up told me, “I don’t want to put up profile pictures of us online because he’s ugly. But he’s rich.”


There are probably some guys who will read this and say “wait a second…”

That’s right buddy. If your picture isn’t on her profile pics somewhere, and when you bring it up she says something along the lines of “it’s MY facebook profile, yadi yadi yadi”, chances are she thinks you’re fugly. But hey, I guess being rich is the key to success! I mean, it’s a horrible reality to live in, but if you’re using the “tree chopping strategy” to begin with, chances are you don’t even care anyways. So whatever! Make lots of money, throw your money around like you want to buy a girl, and bam, you get to live the “be careful what you wish for” reality for the rest of your life.

For the rest of us (the guys who are not okay with the tree chopping strategy), this is my five step addiction/obsession removal plan.

  1. DELETE FACEBOOK. Get rid of your account. If you have it, I guarantee you will constantly stalk her until the day you day. Getting rid of the social mediums in which you obsess and stalk the girl will GREATLY help you get over the girl. This way, you don’t stay up late hours looking through her 600 “pictures” again, and again, and again. DISGUST!
  2. Think about all the reasons why the girl is NOT that attractive. Shoot, if you can’t think of anything, start making stuff up. “Damn, I hate how Leslie has a penis.” Who knows? Maybe she does!? Maybe if you convince yourself enough that Leslie is really a man, you will stop liking her!? Maybe? Or maybe not…
  3. Meet other women. You could do well with a change of “social” scenery. My first advice is, make sure you don’t stalk the girl in this new social setting. Don’t make it a constant habit to isolate and pick out one girl in the sea of women that there are. LEAVE YOUR OPTIONS OPEN.
  4. Tell her that you love her. Cause then you will get to experience the look of disgust and horror on her face first hand, and this will hopefully shock you back into reality. That she’s not that into you. And sticking around, waiting for something to happen is just going to end up leaving you a bitter man.
  5. Talk to me personally. I will set you straight. You will not like the things that I say. You will disagree. In fact, in many ways you probably won’t even listen. But I will tell you like it is. I’ve done this many times. There are many people who secretly have underlying pools of bitterness toward me because of this. But it’s okay! I’ll take the hit. I don’t LIKE doing this. But I’ll do it with the .1% chance/hope that you will actually listen. I want to save you some pain and agony.

Look, the tree chopping strategy doesn’t work. It works for maybe 1% of the guys who actually try it, and even that is usually somehow related to money/finances. You don’t have much hope to hold out indefinitely, praying that the girl will eventually collapse. The girls of our generation are much more independent, and unyielding than that of our parents. The tree chopping strategy definitely worked for our parents’ generation. But we live in different times my friend.

Well, if all else fails, you can just check out one of my ads. Apparently, there are some pretty enticing offers of “asian women” or “christian single women” there. Or, you know what. Take the online dating plunge. Maybe I’ll join you.

When I’m thirty and single, I’m definitely signing up for eharmony.

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