Dating multiple men sounds scrumptious and sassy when I get to brag about it out loud. In theory, I feel like a powerful woman taking charge of her pleasure, snatching all that she desires from the man buffet. I mean, this is the meat and potatoes of what Cindy Lu of The Four Man Plan preaches. From Lu’s perspective, the benefits of dating more then one man at a time are numerous, but the two that make most sense to me are these:
1) We women can be obsessive beings. To put it daintily, our brains are overworked hamsters on a golden wheel going round and round and round. Our ability to overanalyze the actions and inactions of men is pretty impressive. “Why hasn’t he called?” We could fill a library with the thoughts and wonders we have come up with trying to solve this question! Lu has discovered and shared that then when guy #2 and #3 are calling, it is not so bothersome that guy #1 hasn’t. Also, we women are full and complete beings, we want it all. And we want it all from our partner; the physical, the mental, the emotional and the spiritual. Not too much to ask right? Lu is realistic in knowing that sometimes our full experience needs to be puzzle pieced together from multiple sources. Guy #1 is the brilliant conversation king. Guy #2 delivers the toe curling orgasm. Guy #3 will do yoga and meditate with you on the mountain top. Guy #4 will hold you during the chick flick. Viola! We get it all.
2) Men are innately competitive beings. Give them a task and they will be gratified in completing it. Give them a challenge, and they are made kings in conquering it. Lu believes that a woman should absolutely be honest with her dates and share that she is also seeing other men. This ignites a “let me play. I want to win” surge in men. Time to step up his game. (Or it distinguishes his flame and he disappears like a trail of smoke). Either way, you know what you are getting. Someone who is willing to stand up, put forth the effort and make time for you. Or someone who doesn’t really feel called to put in the work. Personally, I desire a man who lights my flame and is interested in building me a fire every time I see him because he wants me to keep warm.
Anyway, I promised midgets, so here goes. I finally went on a date with the guy I blew off to see The Climber for the second night in a row (and to have my medical meltdown). He was eager and excited to meet, and for some reason hell bent on going to Ye Olde Kings Head in Santa Monica. He was waiting at the bar and when he turned around I was instantly struck by how much he looked like a cross between my high school crush and Mario Lopez. (Have I mentioned my weakness for a little latin or island color in a man?) He was very clean cut, very good looking, and very short. I was wearing boots, but the math calculations in my head told me he would still be shorter than flat footed Briana.
This detail was quickly forgotten because the fun and flirty conversation took hold and did not let up. I could tell he was excited and nervous because for the first hour, he talked a lot! We discovered that our birthdays were just two days apart. This is when I learned of the midgets. As a birthday party trick, and treat to himself, this man hired 12 midgets in costume to help celebrate his life. Oh yes. I saw pictures. I am still confused by my mixed feelings over this. But like my taste in humor, I found it sick, disturbing and awesome. What came through for me, was that this man is not afraid of absurdity or ruffling feathers. He goes after what he wants voraciously and bottom line, he is going to enjoy himself. All haters be damned.
I suggest we walk up the street to the Misfit and he is game. I am craving a bit of class. We walk arm in arm down the block and I am reminded of his height, or lack there of. But again this detail gets masked by his charm, his gentlemanly ways and his belief in treating a woman to a “real date.” I cannot help but feel that I am queen. Doors opened, seats pulled out, every desire and whim accommodated. We sip our couture cocktails and our Capricorns came out to play. He is un-shy and straight forward. He tells me all about his son and shows me his gorgeous picture. Bewildered, because the dating red flag does not take flight. It doesn’t turn me off at all that he has a son. Hmmmm, curious. He swivels my velvety red bar stool towards him and kisses me. He wanted to get that out of the way and make sure that I know he doesn’t want to be just friends. Against my preconceived notions, I am having a splendid time.
We leave the Misfit and head for the Penthouse of the Shangri-La Hotel. Cute little elevator make-out session, but I am a bit relieved to find that it is closed at the top. He suggests darts, pool, a stroll. I am done for the evening. Getting ready for bed, he calls to make sure I got home okay. What a truly thoughtful, gorgeous man. He succeeded in making it a “real date.” He would love another date. He thinks I am a great kisser. He leaves a surprisingly good impression. Did I mention he was short?
