The Luck of the Draw: Why Looking for the Perfect Mate Gets You Nowhere
As the New Year begins, I know that there are at least a few people out here who have made it their solemn vow to find love in 2013. I know the feeling all too well, especially after the holidays. We say to ourselves this year we will not be single during the holidays. We will not spend another holiday watching all the couples Christmas shopping and watching all the romantic holiday movies wishing someone was kissing us under the mistletoe. Finding someone is like the luck of the draw; good ole fashion random luck. Which is why I believe looking for the perfect mate gets you nowhere. You have to wait in line until your turn.
When it comes to matters of the heart, I like to think that everything happens in divine timing. People cross our paths for specific reasons during specific times. In the many years of experience I’ve had swimming around in the dating pool. I’ve learned that things don’t always work out the way we planned nor do things always happen exactly when we want them to. If it did, I highly doubt that many of us would be single. Imagine if everyone we thought was good for us wanted to be with us when we wanted them to or shared our exact same feelings. I probably would be writing this blog as an attached woman instead of a single one. We go through this cycle of looking for love and each time we find all the wrong shit knocking at our door (pulls out a guitar and attempts to sing “looking for love in all the wrong places”).With this being said, I found that the best way to rectify this situation is to stop looking.
Why? Let’s keep a few things in mind
There’s no such thing as the perfect mate
I think I’ve said this before but let me once again state that perfect does not exist. There’s no such thing as a perfect life, a perfect mate, a perfect job, or the perfect family. However, we can learn to enjoy and appreciate what we have by focusing on the positives rather than the negatives. We will never find someone who meets every single qualification on our long list of qualities that we look for in a mate. While we’re out searching for perfect, great people with good qualities have literally slapped us in the face and we fail to realize it.
Do you really know what you’re looking for?
I’ve listen to women give up on a guy simply because they didn’t like the way he dressed or maybe one finger was longer than the other. Whatever the case, we need to realize the key qualities that we look for and work with the things we can fix. We can’t scream to the world that we want an honest caring mate with stable employment and ambition and then turn around and leave someone decent for something stupid. After you swim around in the pool with the sharks you will wish that you had such a person in your life.
When you look for stuff you never find it
A few months ago I searched high and low for a pair of sandals I put up somewhere in my closet. Finally I gave up and wore another pair. About a month later, I was in my closet and one of my many shoe bags fell from the top shelf and knocked me clean in my head. It was the same pair of shoes that I spent my time searching for. They found me after I stopped looking for them. When you search for something you never find it; but eventually it finds you. Love does not work on your timing. When it’s your turn it will find you when you least expect it.
The magic question, do you believe that love will find you?
