Posted by Sophie Westrope on July 27, 2014 · Leave a Comment
“Why can’t I just be taller?!” I exclaimed as I wobbled on back-breakingly high heels in Topshop. Measuring in at five foot four, about the average height of a British woman, I’ve never felt svelte or lean or long-limbed or dainty. No matter my dress size I always end up feeling frumpy and rotund instead of lithe and slight in summer dresses and every pair of trousers makes me look foreshortened and downright awful.
It’s never felt fair to me that there’s no alternative to being short. If you’re feeling chubby, you can always lose a few and if you’re too bony you can just eat a couple more rolls of bread with dinner and the carbs eventually find you. If your parts wobble when you brush your teeth in the morning, get yourself in the gym and tone them up or, for the lazy girl suck, them in with Spanx.
But if you stand almost a good foot shorter than your boyfriend, unless you want to break an ankle in six inch heels every time you step out in public you’re stuck. You continue to disappear in crowds, struggle to stretch to reach the shoe boxes you store atop your wardrobe and your legs continue to look like Christmas hams in a mini skirt.
Correct me if you think something to the contrary but being short is bloody rubbish. The handles on the tube are only just within reach for me so I’m forced to half hang, on tiptoes in order to avoid falling over on a busy day in London. The waist to ankle ratio for trousers is far from ideal so there always seems to be extra fabric in one area, i.e. meaning knee sag if you choose a larger size for food-baby belly accommodation.
The words I would use to describe my body shape are not flattering at the best of times but generally I see myself as ‘stumpy’. My friend’s partner even likened her body to “a sack of potatoes” because of her womanly curves being held on a 5′ 3″ build.
You see, being short leaves only so much room for any kind of ‘curve’. Taller ladies have the advantage of a spread out evenly distributed body. Boobs and a big bum on a stouter girl like myself makes everything look kind of ‘lumpy’ as such.
The long and short of it, ‘scuse the pun, is that there’s no cure for being a short arse. But there are some mighty great shoes you can wear to remedy it short-term.
